NOTE: This screenplay is for "The Thief Who Never Gave Up", the film which later became "The Thief and the Cobbler." This script dates probably from around 1980, certainly before 1984. A color sticker added in 1984 (or slightly later) changes the title of the script to "Once ..." On the sticker, Sean Connery is not listed as part of the cast, suggesting that perhaps his part (1 line) was never recorded. Although on a 1988 cast list, Connery is included. STICKER: ----------- Richard Williams presents ONCE ... An epic fantasy filmed in Panimation For worldwide release in 1988 Produced by Richard Williams and Gary Kurtz Featuring the voices of VINCENT PRICE, DONALD PLEASENCE, SIR ANTHONY QUAYLE, SIR FELIX AYLMER, KENNETH WILLIAMS, STANLEY BAXTER, CATHERINE SCHELL, JOAN SIMS, HILARY PRITCHARD, WINDSOR DAVIES, GEORGE MELLY, THICK WILSON, DERMOT WALSH, MIRIAM MARGOLYES, DECLAN MULHOLLAND, CLINTON SUNDBERG and PETER CLAYTON The Once Studio Ltd., 13 Soho Square, London W1V|6JJ Telephone: 01-437 4455 or 01-734 2034 Telex: 299556 ANFILM G (c) Producers Holdings Inc 1984 ----------------- END STICKER Richard Williams Animation Ltd 13 Soho Square, London, W1V 5FB, England Richard Williams Animation Inc. 3193 Cahuenga Blvd West, Hollywood, California, U.S.A. THE THIEF Who Never Gave Up Screenplay by RICHARD WILLIAMS and MARGARET FRENCH VOICES ------ ZIGZAG VINCENT PRICE KING NOD ANTHONY QUAYLE PHIDO DONALD PLEASENCE NARRATOR SIR FELIX AYLMER The COBBLER SEAN CONNERY (?) [one line only] The THIEF Never Speaks PRINCESS MEEMEE CATHERINE SCHELL PRINCESS YUMYUM HILARY PRITCHARD The MAD HOLY OLD WITCH JOAN SIMS PRINCE BUBBA THICK WILSON GOBLET & TICKLE KENNETH WILLIAMS GOPHER & SLAP STANLEY BAXTER The MIGHTY ONE-EYE PAUL MATTHEWS DYING SURVIVOR CLINTON SUNDBERG MAIDEN FROM MOMBASSA MIRIAM MARGOLYES The DWARF GEORGE MELLY CHIEF ROOFLESS WINDSOR DAVIES HOOK THICK WILSON GOOLIE FRED SHAW HOOF EDDIE BYRNE Other BRIGANDS DERMOT WALSH DECLAN MULHOLLAND PETER CLAYTON MIKE NASH DEREK HINSON RAMSAY WILLIAMS Eastmancolour & Fujicolour P A N A V I S I ON THE THIEF Who Never Gave Up SEQUENCES -------- Seq. Number Seq. Heading ----------- ------------ 1 Credit Titles and Prologue 4.1 The Mighty One-Eye Invasion 4.2 The Great Crane 1.1/2 Prophecy 1.1 Introduction of Cobbler and Thief 1.2 Thief and Old Lady 1.3 Thief Tries to Rob Sleeping Cobbler During ZigZag's Rotor Carpet Entrance 1.5 Cobbler Entangled with ZigZag 2 Princess YumYum Saves Cobbler from ZigZag 2.1 Thief Falls in Moat and Enters Palace Piping 2.2 ZigZag Presents King with the Maiden from Mombassa 2.3 Princess YumYum on Swing Plays with Cobbler 2.4 Thief in King's Chamber 2.5 ZigZag Sends for Cobbler - Princess Saved Him Again 2.6 ZigZag's Feet Being Fixed 3 Thief Steals Backscratchers in Princesses' Chamber 3.1 ZigZag in Bath 3.2 Cobbler Chases Thief 3.3 ZigZag Tricks Cobbler Into Attacking Prince Bubba 3.4 Cobbler Attacks Prince Bubba 3.5 Thief and Fur Rug and MeeMee and Bubba 3.6 Cobbler in Prison 3.7 ZigZag Presents Polo Game to King 3.8 Thief and Polo Game 3.9 ZigZag Suggests King Sends Prince Bubba to Witch 13.4 Thief and Jewel Bottle 13.6 Thief on Stocks 4.3 ZigZag's Plotting Room 5 ZigZag and Phido at Cobbler's Cell 5.1 King's Nightmare 5.2 ZigZag is Summoned Away from Cobbler's Cell 5.3 Thief Steals 3 Gold Balls While ZigZag Soothes King 5.4 Messenger Arrives - Tells of One-Eye Coming 6 The One-Eyes Approach Through the Mountains 7 King's Speech to Army 7.1 ZigZag's Men Sneak the Balls Downstairs 7.2 ZigZag Tells the King the Balls Were "Magicked Away" 7.3 Princess YumYum Visits Cobbler at his Cell 7.4 ZigZag Receives Balls from his Men 7.5 Princess VumYum Asks the King to Release the Cobbler 7.6 ZigZag's Magic Act for King 7.7 King Sends Daughters & Bubba to See the Witch 7.8 Escape by Night 7.9 Amidship 8 The Desert Dock 8.1 The Brigands Camp 8.2 The Cobbler Plods on - "This Little Piggy" 8.3 Brigands Attack and YumYum Takes Over Seq. Number Seq. Heading ----------- ------------ 9 ZigZag Meets the One-Eyes 9.1 ZigZag's Magic Show 9.2 Oasis 9.3 ZigZag in Alligator Pit 10 The Desert Mountain 10.1 Cobbler and Thief Climbing 10.2 ZigZag's Alligator Ladder 10.3 Thief and Wings 10.4 Cobbler Nears the Top - Brigands Stay Behind 10.5 Thief on Springs 10.6 ZigZag's Alligator Sled - Gets Caught 11 The Witch 11.1 Brigands Charge Home 11.2 One-Eye's War Games 11.3 Brigands Run At Night 11.4 City Waiting 11.5 Brigands Run At Dawn 11.6 One-Eye War Machine 11.7 Brigands Sight the City 11.8 The Machine Starts to Move 12 The Battle 13 The Dragon 13.1 ZigZag's Death 13.2 Cobbler Gets the Balls 13.3 Victory Procession 13.5 Gratitude 13.7 Happy Ending - Thief Steals Picture THE THIEF Who Never Gave Up SEQ. 1. ------- The credit-titles appear in glittering gold on a black screen. All credits are on the front of the film. There are no end credits for a reason that will become obvious. During the titles, off in the distance, a crystal ball appears. Two multi-digited, disembodied, ancient grey hands gesture around the ball. When the credit-titles are over the gnarled hands and the glowing crystal ball have moved up to fill the screen. An aged voice says: IT IS WRITTEN AMONG THE LIMITLESS CONSTELLATIONS OF THE CELESTIAL HEAVENS AND IN THE DEPTHS OF THE EMERALD SEAS AND UPON EVERY GRAIN OF SAND IN THE VAST DESERTS THAT THE WORLD WHICH WE SEE IS AN OUTWARD AND VISIBLE DREAM OF AN INWARD AND INVISIBLE REALITY. Inside the ball appears a series of shimmering images - mysterious, majestic, magical. SEQ. 4.1. --------- Narrator: ONCE UPON A TIME (the ball fills with light) BEFORE REALITY AND DREAM WERE SEPARATED... We are now travelling into the crucible and across a mighty crevasse where the shapes of circling vultures become clear above a cruel landscape filled with the bodies of slaughtered soldiers and animals. Towering atop an enormous mound of corpses, lit by the final rays of sunset, stands a locust-like one-eyed man. Narrator: ... THE MIGHTY ONE-EYE AND HIS MONSTROUS HORDE OF ONE-EYED WARRIORS SLAUGHTERED THE FRONTIER GUARD OF A GOLDEN LAND. The Mighly One-Eye is addressing his troops - a race of one-eyed warriors who encircle the base of the groaning pile of dead and dying soldiers. His standard is plunged into the pinnacle of the human mound. There is only the moaning of the dying and the harsh slap and crack of the ghastly One-Eye flag in the wind. Mighty One-Eye: ONE-EYES! ONE-EYES! ONE-EYES WIN AGAIN! The One-Eye army roars in response: ONE-EYES! Mighty One-Eye: THE DAY OF DEATH HAS COME TO THE GOLDEN LAND! ONE-EYE HAS DESTROYED THE FRONTIER GUARD! One-Eye Army: ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! Vultures are landing on random bodies in the pile. Mighty One-Eye: NOW WE MARCH TO THE GOLDEN CITY! AND I SHALL CONQUER THE GOLDEN CITY! AND EARTH AND SKY ALIKE SHALL BE RED WITH DEATH! One-Eye army: ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! Mighty One-Eye: NO ONE IS LEFT ALIVE TO WARN THEM! One-Eye army: ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! The camera travels away from the semi-circle of One-eyes, along the heap of corpses which is so stuck with arrows that it looks like a vast pincushion. We go towards the back of the pile. Narrator: ONE MAN SURVIVED. A piece of the pincushion begins to move, crawling slowly as if it were a porcupine with arrows for spines. Wretchedly it drags itself over to a tattered horse which sniffs at the moving pincushion, then sniffs closer. During this the ranting continues out of shot. Mighty One-Eye: THE LAND SHALL BE BLOODY! EVEN THE GROUND SHALL BLEED! EVEN THE STONES SHALL CRY OUT! One-Eye army: ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! Mighty One-Eye: I SHALL TRAMPLE AND BREAK THEM AND NOT SHOW PITY! One-Eye army: ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! Mighty One-Eye: I SHALL OPEN ALL VEINS! BLOOD SHALL FILL THE RIVER AND BONES SHALL FILL THE CITY! NO MAN ESCAPES THE MIGHTY ONE-EYE! One-Eye army: ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! ONE-EYE! With great effort, the survivor mounts the horse and gallops off into the dark. Narrator: ESCAPING UNNOTICED HE RODE BY NIGHT THROUGH THE EASTERN MOUNTAINS TO WARN THE GOLDEN CITY. SEQ. 4.2. --------- As he disappears into the enveloping darkness, the final ray of sun leaves the bluffs and the camera swivels and, rising higher, follows the tiny figure of the horse and rider making their way through deep ravines. Travelling in a vast panoramic shot across the land, we slowly move ahead of the nder, through valleys, peaks, canyons, forests, mountains. The impression is that the land falls away as when travelling in an airplane at sunset, and the effect is that of an animated Chinese/Persian landscape. Mountains with translucent snowcaps, summer thunder storms with lightning pass by as the last remaining twilight spreads into the clefts and valleys below. The sky is darkening gold now and we are in velvet blackness and deep violet with only the odd flash of burnished golden light to illuminate pieces of the terrain. Lit by early stars and the sunset's residual half-light, luminous clouds against the azure of the evening sky magically transform and change as we fly past. The whole sequence has a feeling of live-action time-lapse photography, but the magic and breadth are what can only be achieved with animation, as we animate nature's elements. An orange crescent moon rises, becoming whiter and creates a pale turquoise glow over the land. The clear sky shines on silver surface storm clouds that pass within the valleys. By now we have the feeling that we have travelled an entire country. The camera is slowing up as we leave the foothills of the mountains and a great plain spreads before us. There in front of us appears a fabulous Babylon-like city - a turquoise jewel, set in starlit tranquility, girdled by a silver river, glittering with celestial reflections. The camera slows as we approach and an irridescent pre-dawn light illumines the sleeping city. Now the camera pulls back, revealing the peaceful tableau set still within the crystal ball, and the ancient gnarled disembodied hands surround the luminous image within the orb. SEQ. 1.1/2 ---------- Narrator: IN THE CENTRE OF THE CITY ATOP THE TALLEST MINARET WERE THREE GOLD BALLS. Still within the crystal ball, the City cranes towards us as the three golden balls are lit by the first ray of the morning sun. Narrator: THE ANCIENTS HAD PROPHESIED THAT IF THE THREE GOLDEN BALLS WERE EVER TAKEN AWAY HARMONY WOULD YIELD TO DISCORD AND THE CITY WOULD FALL TO DESTRUCTION AND DEATH. The crystal ball, like an alchemist's crucible, fills with fire and brimstone, black smoke and flames, obscuring the City. Narrator: BUT . . . (The smoke slowly clears) THE MYSTICS HAD ALSO FORETOLD THAT THE CITY MIGHT BE SAVED BY THE SIMPLEST SOUL WITH THE SMALLEST AND SIMPLEST OF THINGS. Again, we slowly enter the inside of the crystal ball, zooming deep into the city, as the sun spreads across an empty bazaar. Narrator: IN THE CITY THERE DWELT A LOWLY SHOEMAKER WHO WAS KNOWN AS TACK THE COBBLER. An old boot-sign is illuminated by the sunlight. We travel through the empty front window of a Cobbler's shop. A sunbeam falls on the Cobbler, asleep in his work clothes, amongst all his shoes and regalia. He is snoring and tapping with his hammer on an imaginary shoe. Both thumbs are bandaged. ALSO IN THE CITY (pan down to a saddle shop. Above a wall a swarm of flies hovers in a moving halo) EXISTED (zoom in on the flies) A THIEF (The Thief's head comes up, looks both ways, and goes down again, behind the wall) WHO SHALL BE NAMELESS. The Thief's hand darts out from behind the wall and a saddle disappears. He skitters over to the next shop - the saddle obviously inside his cloak. SEQ. 1. 2. ---------- Early morning shadows. A rooster crows and we see a beautiful shot of cypresses in early morning, flowers against the hills, as the City is about to awaken. In the main square of the bazaar, a little old lady, dressed in black, hobbles across the square, dragging a large bunch of bananas. Cut to the Thief, behind a fountain, eyeing her. He sneaks up behind her and grabs at her bananas. Suddenly, a steel-grey arm shoots out of her black robe, and a vice-like grip locks onto the Thief's arm. The old lady is a martial arts expert, and with great energy and professional precision she kung-fu's him. She ties him up in knots, and then, reverting to her former self, picks up her bananas with great difficulty and hobbles off, humming quietly. SEQ. 1. 3. ---------- Cut back to the Cobbler, still hammering in his sleep. He hits his thumbs, adjusts the tacks in his mouth, pulls a needle from his baggy pants and puts an imaginary thread through it. Cut to the front door of his shop, looking out. We hear the buzz of flies, and between hanging boots in the doorway appears the Thief's head. He enters the tiny shop, looks around and goes upstairs. Warily, he approaches the sleeping Cobbler, his eyes on his patched pockets. Deftly the Thief slides out the Cobbler's purse. Snap, it opens - nothing there - pulls it inside out - still nothing. Before the Thief can shift his attention elsewhere the sleeping Cobbler rolls over, inadvertently pinning the Thief to the floor. There is the sound of distant trumpets and we cut outside to the bazaar. We hear an approaching chant. HAVE NO FEAR ! HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, THE GRAND VIZIER, IS NEAR! The few folks who are up and about are pulling back in awe as a distant procession approaches. We can't yet see the procession clearly but we can see that its motion is complex and cyclic. There are ostrich plumes and men in black in frantic activity. Cut back to the Thief and the Cobbler. They are awkwardly entwined, and the still sleeping Cobbler is hitting the Thief's thumbs with his tiny hammer. In silent pain the Thief pulls his hands back against the CObbler's chest and they are trapped in a rigid embrace. The flies are now really starting to bother the Cobbler. His nose twitches and the Thief has to scratch the Cobbler's nose for him. Cut back to the square as the rhythmic drone comes closer. HAVE NO FEAR! HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, THE GRAND VIZIER, IS NEAR! Now we can just see ZigZag, the Grand Vizier, walking with a zigzagging rhythm, upon two carpets. Four crow-like men unroll one carpet in front of him so that his feet never touch the earth, while another four crow-like men, behind him, roll up the carpet he has just walked In, then rush around the front, just in time to unroll the new carpet for him to step on as the previous four roll up the carpet ZigZag has just finished with. Then they run that one around to the front and the cycle starts all over again. Cut back to the Cobbler and Thief. The as yet unawakened Cobbler is still trying to get rid of the flies and is bashing the Thief with his small hammer. They are even more interlocked and the Thief is in very great, silent pain. Cut back to the procession in full swing. The chant is louder. HAVE NO FEAR! HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, THE GRAND VIZIER, IS HERE! The rotor carpet cycle continues and ZigZag, now clearly , visible, is the picture of total disdain. He is a very tall man with the shifting gait of a marionette. Four yes-men (known later as Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle) are leading the chant and fanning ZigZag with long-poled ostrich plumes. Bringing up the rear are four mammoth eunuchs singing in castrati harmony and carrying a pink palanquin which is covered in drapes and obviously has Feminine Contents. The townsfolk are trying to see what's inside, but they daren't come too near. When they do, one of the yes-men lashes out at them with a whip. Also, shooting in and out of the eunuch's huge pantaloon legs, as if from curtain to curtain, is a misshapen dwarf with a very deep voice. He bellows out the "recitative" clearly in basso profunda against the high pitch of the singing castrati. Dwarf: HAVE NO FEAR! HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, THE GRAND VIZIER, IS HERE! The procession is almost at the Cobbler's door and we cut again to the Cobbler and Thief, even more intertwined. The Cobbler has stitched himself and the Thief together - four arms and four legs in hopeless entanglement. As the Cobbler finally wakens, the Thief makes a desgerate bid to escape. They both shoot upright and crash headlong down the stairs, out into the street, chickens flying about, dogs barking, crashing in a heap right at ZigZag's feet. The moving carpet is late for the first time and the Cobbler is there in its place, with his tacks spilling all over the ground. ZigZag's jewelled slipper places itself firmly on an upright tack, and the dance is on. ZigZag screams in pain, trying to maintain control. The yes-men and eunuchs are powerless to help as they are also leaping about screaming in agony. The Thief immediately extricates himself and shoots into the crowd for cover. The awestruck Cobbler doesn't know where he is or how he got there. ZigZag: (pointing at the Cobbler) SEIZE HIM! TAKE HIM! (echoing their master): Goblet: SEIZE HIM! Gopher: TAKE HIM! Slap: SEIZE HIM! Tickle: TAKE HIM! (Gong) Dwarf: TAKE HIM AND SEIZE HIM! 4 Eunuchs: TAKE HIM AND SEIZE HIM! TAKE HIM AND SEIZE HIM! Palace Guards rush forward but are also hopping on the tacks. The eunuchs scream like birds, the dwarf leaps from pant leg to pant leg, avoiding the tacks, and the pink palanquin lurches wildly around. A huge purple curvaceous female leg flails out from the curtains, indicating there is a very substantial woman inside. The astonished Cobbler stumbles this way and that, not stepping on a single tack. He is trying to pick them up but spilling more in the process. ZigZag: (controlling himself): TAKE HIM INTO THE PALACE! (echoing their master) Goblet: INTO THE PALACE WITH HIM! Slap: THE PALACE! Tickle: INTO THE ER ... Slap: THE PALACE! Dwarf: TAKE HIM INTO THE PALACE! 4 Eunuchs: TAKE HIM AND SEIZE HIM! TAKE HIM INTO THE PALACE! Guards seize the poor Cobbler and the enormous palace doors vibrate open. Their edges are like teeth. It is a frightening bit of machinery which draws back to allow the entrance of ZigZag's procession. They march through the palace doors, still chanting. From a safe distance, the Thief sees the palace doors open and he races through the crowd up to the entrance. Two guards silently step forward to block his path and the doors slowly close, the Thief outside. SEQ. 2. ------- The throne room. Guards are in attendance and a very large, very aged eunuch stands behind the throne, fanning the King gently. The King is slumped over like a bean-bag, head lolling to the right, snoring. At the entrance Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle (with castrati obligatto from the Eunuchs) signal the arrival of ZigZag. TAKE HIM INTO THE PALACE! TAKE HIM INTO THE PALACE! TAKE HIM INTO THE PALACE! Cut to a big close-up of a young beauty, giving a playful lick up the side of the sleeping King's face. He stirs. King Nod: OH ! Princess YumYum: (in his ear) IT'S YUMYUM, DADDY. King Nod: OH ... MY LITTLE.. ER .. ER .. PRINCESS.. ER .. ER ... (he looks closely at her) Princess YumYum: YUMYUM. King Nod: MMM ... YUMYUM . . . MY PET. . . (snore) Princess YumYum: (in his ear again) WAKE, WAKE, MY FATHER! SOMETHING'S HAPPENING WITHOUT! King Nod: ER ... ER ... OH? (Procession entering) Goblet: INTO THE THRONE ROOM WITH HIM! Gopher: QUICK! QUICK! INTO THE THRONE ROOM! Slap: GET IN! Tickle: YES, GET IN! CRASH! The Cobbler is pushed stumbling into the throne room in front of the procession, tacks falling and spindles and spools spilling. King Nod: WHO IS IT? Zigzag: (stepping to the front) OH, GREAT KING NOD, HAVE NO FEAR, ZIGZAG, YOUR GRAND VIZIER, IS HERE! King Nod: OH? . . . IT'S YOU. . . ZIGZAG. . . (snore) ZigZag: OH , GREATEST KING OF ALL THE EARTH, THIS LOW-BORN PERSON OF NO WORTH, ATTACKED ME IN THE SQUARE TODAY. . . SHALL WE TAKE HIS HEAD AWAY? The Cobbler shakes like a leaf, more tacks spilling onto the floor. The young Princess eyes the young Cobbler as a curio. King Nod: (slipping back to sleep again) OH . . . UH . . . ZIGZAG. . . IF YOU REALLY. . . THINK SO . . . (His eyes are fighting not to close) Princess YumYum: (to ZigZag) BUT WHAT HAS HE DONE? ZigZag: O FAIREST PRINCESS, NOBLY BRED, WORRY NOT YOUR PRETTY HEAD WITH TIRESOME BUSINESS OF THE COURT - THIS. . . COBBLER. . . IS OF NO IMPORT. ZigZag pulls out an ejecting wand which expands into a rod which he puts behind the Cobbler's neck, and presses his face to the floor. But the King is soundly asleep and ZigZag releases his stick from the Cobbler's neck as he steps forward to waken the King. ZigZag: OH, KING. . . OH, KING. . . The Cobbler crawls forward on all fours, trying to pick up the tacks in front of ZigZag's feet. ZigZag falls over the crawling Cobbler. ZigZag: OW! OW! THOU GREAT FOOL! ---- ----- ---- King Nod: (shooting awake) WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? Princess YumYum: O LET HIM GO FATHER, NO REAL HARM APPEARS TO BE DONE. Cut to Zigzag, with his stick under the cobbler's chin as he gets up. There is a quick exchange of looks between ZigZag and YumYum. ZigZag: (to King) O FONT OF WISDOM, THIS FOOL, THIS FIEND, THIS PEASANT'S SPAWN - OW! (stepping on tack) HAS MADE THIS ATTACK ON ME SINCE DAWN! King Nod: ATTACK? WITH WHAT? ZigZag: WITH TACKS! THAT'S WHAT! THIS PUBLIC HAZARD SHOULD BE SHOT! Goblet: (echoing) HEAR! HEAR! Gopher: BRAVO! Slap: SHOT DEAD! Tickle: OH ... DEAD! The Cobbler is still trying to clean up the tacks. Zigzag is still stepping on them. Princess Yumyum: BUT DADDY . . . BUT... DADDY... ----- Close up of ZigZag frozen as YumYum interjects. Yumyum pulls off her shoe and breaks it. Princess YumYum: . . . AT THE MOMENT . . . I . . . (snap) NEED . . . A COBBLER . . . She looks at the Cobbler, promise in her eyes. Both the Cobbler and ZigZag are astonished. King Nod: MMMMM . . . Zigzag: (to the Princess - a smile with all teeth) OF COURS E. . . AT THE MOMENT . . . AT THE MOMENT . . . (recovering himself) OH ROSE OF THE WORLD, CROWN JEWEL OF THE LAND (bows) YOUR SLIGHTEST WHIM IS MY COMMAND. King Nod: COBBLER - GO WITH THE PRINCESS. Exit Princess and Cobbler, the Cobbler following in a daze, bashing into things. SEQ. 2. 1. ---------- It is still early morning. The great spiked panels of the palace gate are opening again. A gong rings. Dwarf's voice: (off) OPEN FOR THE ROYAL POLO PONIES! Eunuchs: (echoing in castrati) OPEN FOR THE ROYAL POLO PONIES! OPEN FOR THE ROYAL POLO PONIES! OPEN FOR THE ROYAL POLO PONIES! A procession of horsemen on a string of magnificent polo ponies begins to pass through the gate. There are twenty-four horses - twelve black and twelve white. Toward the end of the line, as they are filing past, we see a rubbish collector's push-cart on two large wheels, a halo of flies hovering over the filthy can. The Thief sticks his head out, looks to see if anybody's watching, peers toward the open gate, and ducks his head back in out of sight. With his head out of view, his two arms come over the top of the bin and, with difficulty at first, he starts pushing the wheels, like a paraplegic, trying to follow the horses. Because the Thief can It get going fast enough, the last horses are half-way across the draw-bridge, over the moat before the Thief, temporarily stuck at the top of a slight rise, sticks his head back out, takes aim, and propels himself very hard down the rise. The cart rolls precariously down the slope and across the bridge, followipg the end horses. B. The Thief has his arms inside now, and we only see the cart itself, in long shot, go right across the bridge, where the horses have gone in, past the guards on either side of the gate. It goes right inside the gate... but only temporarily, as the cart turns and goes back out of the gate, wiggling and wobbling halfway across the bridge. It stops, stuck against a plank at the side of the bridge. Pause. The guards are watching, mystified. The two arms, after a time, come out of the bin, reach to the wheels, and give a hefty push, and the Thief dumps himself into the moat. Splash! He can't swim, but makes a pathetic attempt. Mostly submerged, he struggles his way alongside the palace, out of sight of the guards, around a curve, where he is just able to save himself by grabbing onto the square~ended vent of a large pipe which runs up the outside of the palace wall. With great difficulty, the Thief wriggles his way inside the vent and we leave him working his way up the inside of the palace piping. SEQ. 2.2. Cut to the throne room ZigZag is up close to the King, confidentially. The pink palanquin is being brought forward by the four bearer-eunuchs. It looks pretty heavy. (Whenever the pink palanquin and its contents appear in the picture, there is the constant sound of heavy, usually excited breathing from within.) ZigZag: AND NOW, 0 GREATEST OF THE GREAT, TO REST YOU FROM AFFAIRS OF STATE, I'VE SEARCHED THE WORLD, AND BROUGHT YOU THENCE AT NO LITTLE EFFORT, AND GREAT EXPENSE, A PLAYTHING FROM FAR SOUTH OF GAZA A BOUNTIFUL MAIDEN FROM MOMBASSA! Through the air, ZigZag IS hands trace an enormously voluptuous female shape, as he says "BOUNTIFUL MAIDEN" and, as he says "FROM MOMBASSA", he leans right into the ear of the King. Goblet: MOMBASSA ... Gopher: Slap: MOMBASSA ... MOMBASSA ... Tickle: (giggling) MOMBASSA ... 14. ZigZag gestures to the palanquin, and we see a dark, longlashed violet female eye, peeking through the folds. The King, raising his head and coming out of his stupor, says: King: MOMBASSA? At this, there is a deep chortle from inside the palanquin. SEQ. 2.3. Cut to the outside of the palace, quite high up to see an elaborate system of piping, jointed and curving. We know the Thief is working his way along the inside, followed by the halo of flies on the outside. The joints and pipes are vibrating and trembling with his weight. The odd nail and screw and plaster fall loose, as he works his way ever upwards. Cut to interior, Princess' chambers. Trees grow through the floor and birds sing. The Princess is on a swing. She swings gently in and out of the picture. The Cobbler is silhouetted against a window, cobbling furiously, when she swings up towards him, with her one little bare foot. Every time she swings out of shot, he stops working and looks lovestruck after her. And then, when the foot comes back in, he is cobbling furiously. She is singing, obviously still amused by the oddity of the Cobbler. The shy Cobbler is trying to measure her foot, blushing, getting up and sitting down, to get things, afraid to measure her foot, afraid to touch her, hitting his thumbs. There is a great creaking and a large pipe falls just into view outside the large window behind the Cobbler, pulled half off the palace wall by the weight of the Thief crawling up the inside. The Cobbler and Princess are tab pre-occupied with each other to notice. SEQ. 2.4. Cut to the palace wall, outside the same window. We see the piping ripping loose as the Thief makes his way up. The piping doesn't quite falloff, though, and we travel upwards with the pipes to the top of the palace, where we can see the City down below. The piping leads into a turret with a single crescent-moan-shaped window. The Thief makes his way successfully up the tubing and into the base of the turret. 15. Cut to the King's chamber. We see a luxuriously appointed commode. A crescent-moan-shaped window shows the blue sky outside. The hole is surrounded by green silk cushioning, studded with gems. A golden sash is hanging, encrusted with large emeralds and rubies. The royal crest is on the base of the commode and an ornate toiletpaper holder holds the royal toilet paper, with the King's crest embossed on each square of the paper. Red velvet drapes, and a deep rug. Pan left to the King's bedchamber. Straddled across the King's bed is the pink palanquin. The King is sitting on the end of the bed, poking into the quivering pink drapery, and grunting amusedly. From inside, we hear deep, husky giggles. The drapery outlines the various shapely orbs, and we see the flash of painted toes, a hand, an ear, a thigh. . . Pan right, back to the commode as the erotic chortlinq continues out of shot. Flies first appear from the bowl of the commode and hover, followed by the Th ief's feet. A fter some squeegy sounds, the Thief's robe appears, and finally, his head. He manages to get one hand out onto the marble topping, when he is transfixed at the sight of the jewel-encrusted sash. With difficulty, he reaches up and grabs the shining sash. It pulls down a bit, and there is the sound of what can only be described as a medieval flushing. For a moment, the Thief's head, in total surprise, stays there as his shoulders and body whirr . . . and then he is flushed away. Cut to a top shot, looking down the dark bowl as the Thief's eyes disappear down the tube. Cut to the pink palanquin. The King's head peeps out quizzically from within the folds. He has heard the sound of the flushing. Cut to the outside of the piping against the palace walls. Very fast cuts as the Thief shoots down the inside of all the tubes, picking up momentum, like a pin ball. He shoots out of the original vent, SPLASH, right back into the moat. SEQ. 2. 5. Cut back to the Princess' chamber. The Cobbler is shyly putting the repaired slipper on the Princess' tiny foot. He can hardly 16. bring himself to do it, and is stopping and starting. Princess YumYum: IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. THAN NEW. IT'S BETTER As soon as the slipper is on, a gong goes and the four huge, muscle-bound, smooth, black, shiny-skinned eunuchs fill the doorway. They are the same four eunuchs who carried the pink palanquin. Each has a large scimitar. YumYum spreads a protective hand towards the Cobbler and steps in front of him. Out from behind a eunuch's pantaloon pops the shrunken dwarf and in his deep basso profunda he booms out the recitative. D wa rf : OH BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS YUMYUM! He is followed up on high by the castrati barbershop quartet holding their notes in "chime" chords. Eunuch 1: OH Eunuch 2: BEAUTIFUL Eunuch 3: PRINCESS Eunuch 4: YUMYUM! Dwarf: (leaping for another leg a stage curtain) as if it were THE GREAT LORD ZIGZAG Eunuch 1: THE Eunuch 2: GREAT Eunuch 3: LORD Eunuch 4: ZIGZAG Dwarf: (leaping to another leg) SENDS GREETINGS! Eunuchs: (all four in harmony) SENDS GREETINGS! Dwarf: (leaps to another leg) AND BIDS YOU RETURN Eunuch 1: AND Eunuch 2: BIDS 17. Eunuch 3: YOU Eunuch 4: RETURN Dwarf: (hops to another leg) THE COBBLER Eunuchs: (all four in harmony) THE COBBLER Dwarf (hops to another leg) INTO H IS CARE! Princess YumYum frowns. Eunuch 1: IN Eunuch 2: TO Eunuch 3: HIS Eunuch 4: CARE Dwarf: (hops again) FOR BEHEADING! Eunuchs: (all four in harmony) FOR BEHEADING! Princess YumYum is shocked. A tack falls from the Cobbler's mouth. She picks it up and sticks it back in for him. Dwarf: (hops aga in) WHEN YOU HAVE DONE WITH Eunuch 1: WHEN YOU HAVE DONE WITH (hops aga in) HIM! Eunuch 2: Eunuch 3: Eunuch 4: Dwarf: Eunuchs: (all in harmony) HYMN! The Princess with a sly smile takes off her other slipper and snaps it in two. Princess YumYum: NOT AT THE MOMENT (she hands the broken slipper to the Cobbler) 18. NOT TODAY! (she continues to smile at the eunuchs) The eunuchs exit backwards, bowing. curtain closes, we hear the same gong. As the doorway SEQ.2.6. Cut to a close-up of ZigZag's head. In the background is the desert. A pyramid and a sphinx go by . . . giving the impression that he is riding somewhere. The camera pulls back and we see it is a large painting being carried by two of his yes-men, Slap and Tickle. ZigZag is seated on a semi-throne. He kicks off his slippers. ZigZag: GOPHER! Gopher: YOUR COMMAND IS MY WISH, MILORD! ZigZag: (pointing to his feet) BANDAGES! Gopher runs over to an ornate Persian box with a little red cross in the centre of its design, and takes out some bandages, pronto. ZigZag: (holding out his hand) GOBLET. . . GOBLET! Goblet: (pouring wine into a goblet) YOUR GRACE! YOUR GRACE! YOUR PLEASURE, MILORD! AVEC PLAISIR! Goblet promptly places the goblet in ZigZag's hand. Gopher: (returning with bandages) CON MUCHO GUSTO! Gopher stands, preparing the bandages. Goblet qlares at him. Goblet: (to ZigZag) YOUR GRACE! Gopher; YOUR REVERENCE! Goblet: YOUR EMINENCE! Gopher: EMINENCE! MEMSAH I B ! Goblet: YOUR DIVINITY! 19. Slap and Tickle have put the painting down and adjust ZigZag's bolsters and help with his damaged feet. The four of them compete in anticipating and attending to ZigZag's needs. ZigZag: (pointing to his right foot) SLAP! Slap: YES MASTER SIR! ZigZag: (pointing to other foot) TICKLE! Tickle: OH, CERTAINLY, MY LORD! OH, AT ONCE, YOUR HIGHNESS! AHAHAHA! ZigZag: GOPHER! Gopher: YOUR LORDSHIP. YOUR ALL-ON-HIGH. I AM AS DUST AT YOUR FEET. ZigZag: GOBLET! Goblet: YOUR GRACE. EMINENCE. YOUR PLEASURE, MY LORD! ZigZag: SLAP! Slap: OH, YOUR REVERENCE, YOUR HOLINESS, YOUR. . . YOUR. . . ZigZag: TICKLE! ZigZag: OH CERTAINLY, MY LORD! OH, AT ONCE, YOUR HIGHNESS! AHAHAHA! GOB LET! Tickle: Goblet: ZigZag: MY PLEASURE, WITH PLEASURE, EXCELLENCE! GOPHER! Gopher: YOUR REVERENCE, SIRE. YOUR WORSHIP! ZigZag: Slap: TICKLE! MY FEET! OH! GLADLY, MASTER. (He tickles ZigZag's feet) ZigZag: NO, YOU FOOL! OINTMENT! BALM! Tickle: AHAHAHA! Slap: OH, SORRY, MASTER! Goblet: GET ON WITH IT! Gopher: MAKE HASTE! 20. ZigZag: AH, GOPHER. . . Gopher: YOUR WORSHIP. ZigZag: . . . GOBLET. . . Goblet: YOUR GRACE. ZigZag: . . . SLAP. . . Slap: MASTER. ZigZag: . . . AND TICKLE. . . Tickle: AHAHAHAHA! ZigZag: AFFECTIONS OF THE WORLD ARE FICKLE... Goblet: YES! Gopher: SO TRUE! Slap: VERY TRUE! Tickle: YES! ZigZag: Goblet: BUT I'M REVERED THROUGHOUT THE LAND. YES, MILORD! Gopher: EVERYWHERE! Slap: CERTAINLY ARE, SIR! Tickle: OH, YOU ARE REVERED. ABSOLUTELY. (Slap and Tickle stroke him ardently) ZigZag: (to Tickle) CAREFUL WHERE YOU PUT YOUR HAND! Tickle: AHAHAHA! Goblet: (to Tickle) CRETIN! ZigZag: NOTICE HOW I HANDLE THINGS . . . Gopher: Slap: SO TRUE! YES. VERY TRUE, THAT. YES! ZigZag: KNOWING ALL THE NEEDS OF KINGS. Goblet: OH, WISE ONE. Gopher: INDEED! Slap: WELL, YOU WOULD, WOULDN IT YOU? 21. Tickle: ZigZag: WELL, OF COURSE, NATURALLY! NO MATTER WHAT MAY CAUSE DELAY, IN THE END I GET MY WAY. Goblet: OH, GET YOUR OWN WAY ALL RIGHT, YES! Gopher: Slap: AND RIGHTLY SO! WE'RE READY TO OBEY TOO, SI R! Tickle: NATURALLY, HE ALWAYS DOES GET IT! AHAHAHA! The gong goes, and the four eunuchs appear in the doorway. ZigZag looks up. ZigZag: AND WHAT DID PRINCESS YUMYUM SAY? Out pops the dwarf from the pantleg curtains and bellows deeply. Dwarf: NOT AT THE MOMENT! Eunuch 1 : NOT Eunuch 2: AT Eunuch 3: THE Eunuch 4: MOMENT Dwarf: (hopping to another leg) NOT TODAY! Eunuchs: (all four in harmony) NOT TODAY! ZigZag forces a smile, all teeth. ZigZag: J THANK YOU TOO MUCH! Fade. SEQ. 3. Fade in on the outside wall of the palace. The sun is much higher now. We move in to a close shot of the vertical piping, vibrating as the Thief inside makes his way. More plaster and screws fall loose. Precarious. The camera pulls back and we see the piping leading up high to the Kingls turret, the City below. Because this time the camera is back further, we see there is aT-junction in the piping leading 22. sideways off to another turret, with a large window. The shaking tubing and the following halo of flies tell us the Thief is arriving at the T-junction. He turns left this time, away from the King's turret, and over, up and into the other turret, with the big female-shaped windows. Cut to the inside of the big glowing sunlit windows, and we see Princess YumYum taking a bubble bath. A full-length mirror reflects her so that it almost appears there are two princesses bathing. She is extremely voluptuous, playing with the beautiful big bubbles. We hear the sound of the flies with an echo. The camera swings right, and on the floor there is a kind of shower basin grill and tne flies rise through it, followed by the Thiefls fingers. He eases the grill loose and up comes his head - the grill sitting on top. He carefully puts the grill down and works himself out of the drain. He is fascinated by the lavender bubbles, which are floating everywhere, shimmering and reflecting his distorted eyes and face in every quivering bubble. Mesmerised, he watches them disappear naturally and he pops others with his finger. Hugging the floor he crawls across the tiles seeking the source of these wondrous things. Then he sees the beauteous head, shoulders and back of the bathing princess. But it is not the princess who has rivetted his attention - it is the glittering jewel-encrusted ivory backscratcher with which she is scratching her beautiful leg and flicking bubbles around. She scratches her back with it. sexy with the double image in the mirror. for the jewel-encrusted backscratcher. This is all very sexy, doubly But the Thief only has eyes He works his way just below YumYumls eye level, alongside the tub and around to her back, and gracefully slides the backscratcher out of her hand. He ducks as she turns around and starts fishing in the water for the lost backscratcher. She has been humming, seemingly in harmony with her echo in a kind of round, which we only now realise is impossible for one person alone to do. The Thief now notices that although YumYum has stopped, the mirror-image is still humming and scratching its back with an identical backscratcher. The Thief, flat on his belly, puts his hand up to the mirror, finds there is no mirror there at all, reaches through where the mirror ought to be and swipes the other backscratcher. 23. Princess MeeMee: BUT WHERE IS MY BACKSCRA TCHER, YUMYUM? WHERE IS MY BACKSCRATCHER, MEEMEE? PERCHANCE WITHIN THE WATER? Princess YumYum: We see the backs of the two tubs, which almost touch each other, as the Princesses in profile talk and fish around in the water for thei r backscratchers. The Thief is on the floor between the two tubs and is making his escape, commando-style. Princess MeeMee: MY SISTER, WHAT FOUL ODOUR IS HERE? Princess YumYum: MAYHAP THE PIPES ARE BACKED UP. (sniffing the air with distaste) Cut to the Thief, still on his stomach, backing towards the door-cu rta in. As he works his way, his sleeves cover over his real hands so that the little fork-like hands on the backscratchers appear to be his own tiny hands. Princess MeeMee: (looking at herself in her tiny hand-mirror) MA YHAP SOMETH ING DIED Cut to the little backscratcher hands, disappearing under the safety of the door curtaining. SEQ.3.1. Cut to a large close-up of ZigZag IS head. It is distorted. POP! - it disappears. Pull out to show other reflections of ZigZag in deeper darker-colour bubbles. Pull further back and we see we are in ZigZag's bath chamber. He is in the tub (black and vultureshaped with talons for legs) surrounded by dark purplish bubbleswhich reflect the personality of the bather. Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle rush around him, administering to his needs as before. Goblet: EMINENCE. Gopher: EMINENCE. Tickle: (pouring oil into bath) YOUR GRACE. AHAHAHA! Slap: (scrubbing ZigZag's back) OH, SIR SIR. WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS. 24. Goblet: (testing the water) MMMMM Gopher: SIRE. ZigZag: GOBLET! Goblet hands ZigZag a goblet of wine. He drinks. Goblet: A VOTRE SERVICE, YOUR GRACE. Gopher: INDEED. Slap: OH, SIR SIR. SIR SIR SIR SIR. Tickle: AHAHAHA! ZigZag: PRINCESS YUMYUM SEEMS QUITE TAKEN WITH THIS COBBLER AND HIS LOT. . . Goblet: VERY. Gopher: OH, VERY. Slap: YES. TRUE. TRUE! Tickle: YES. AH, YES. YES, INDEED. ZigZag: TWICE TODAY SHE'S SAVED HIS BACON. INTERESTING, IS IT NOT? OH, VERY. Gopher: Goblet: OH, WISE ONE. Slap: ER, YEH, YEH. I COULDNIT AGREE MORE. Tickle: ENORMOUSLY. ZigZag: IT IS NOT! (Chucks goblet away) IT IS NOT INTERESTING AT ALL! Goblet: (catching goblet) NOT AT ALL. Slap: AHAHAHA! SEE THAT? QU ITE RIGHT. AHAHAHA! WHY DIDN'T WE Tickle: AHAHAHA! As ZigZag rises from the tub, he steps into a bath-sheet held by Slap and Tickle, and accepts another goblet of wine from Goblet. Slap goes for ZigZag's robe. Tickle brings his curling iron and begins to dress ZigZag's beard. Gopher slides a chair under ZigZag as he sits down. 25. Gopher: (placing chair) EMINENCE. Goblet: (handing him fresh goblet) EMINENCE. Tickle: (curling beard) THERE WE ARE. CHARMING. Slap: (drying feet) (grunt) THERE WE ARE. YOUR LORDSHIP. N ICE AND COMFY THAT I EH? Goblet: ZigZag has spotted a fly, which is buzzing around his head. ZigZag: HE'S NOTHING BUT A PEST, A FLY IN MY ARISTOCRATIC SOUP. Goblet: MMMMMMM. ZigZag: BEFORE ANOTHER DAY GOES BY . . . He pulls out his cigar-like stick, flicks it, and it is a telescopic self-ejecting fly-swatter. ZigZag: ... I'LL SWAT THE BUZZING NINCOMPOOP! (on SWAT, ZigZag swats the fly) Tickle gives out a startled yell. Goblet: WELL DONE. Slap: GOOD SHOT, SIR! Gopher: OH, I SAY! Tickle: OH AHAHAHA! BRILLIANT AHAHAHA! ZigZag IS flyswatter retracts Snap! SEQ. 3.2. Cut to the Cobbler sitting over alone in intently working on the Princess' white slipper. an attractive gold pattern around the edge. front of the window, He is embroidering We hear the sound of flies, growing louder and louder, punctuated by the odd sandal creak. The Thief appears. Looking everywhere but behind him, he backs down some steps toward the Cobbler who also has his back to the Thief. Without sl ipping, the Thief backs gingerly down the steps, across the room, right up to 26. the Cobbler's back. The Cobbler lifts his head in the air I sniffing in distaste and BAM! - they touch. Back to back they grab at each other. They are in a reverse embrace similar to their first meeting in the CobblerJs shop. There are several short, sharp grapplings and clinches, then the Cobbler bends down very fast and the Thief somersaults over him, landing sitting down straight in front of the Cobbler. They both recoil in recognition. Suddenly the Thief sees and grabs the embroidered slipper and runs out with it. The Cobbler after a moment of addled confusion tears off after him. They run and skid across slippery tile floors around corners, along walls, in and out of doors, around columns and past mirrors. They go into the Kingls chamber and the Thief hides behind the palanquin. The Cobbler leaps through the palanquin to get him, crashing into the King and the Maiden within. The King pokes his head out in amazement, then the Maiden's feet encircle his neck and pull him back into the curtains. Thief and Cobbler shoot through the legs of the King's huge aged eunuch guarding the door - but the eunuch is so tall and his legs so long he doesn't even notice them - only the breeze. The Cobbler, temporarily losing the Thief, passes some fortythieves-type of wine jugs. The lid of the end one, unseen by the Cobbler, lifts up showing the Thief inside, then goes back down and the jug falls over with a crash. It knocks over all the others in domino fashion and jugs bounce and roll and crash down two sets of stairs. The Thief gets out, the Cobbler spots him, and they shoot down the stairs through the flying jugs, and curtains, plants, pots, rugs and tapestries, miraculously avoiding destruction. The Cobbler makes a running leap at the Thief, going around a corner, and grabs the slipper out of the Thief's hand in mid-air. The Thief spirals away, riding down a staircase handrail, sliding away below. Then crashes through a stained glass window. The Cobbler goes head-first down another set of stairs, through some doors, diving between the legs of all four Eunuchs who are barring a series of four entrances. 27. SEQ. 3.3. The Cobbler shoots straight into ZigZag's dressing room, where he bashes into ZigZag from the back, knocking ZigZag into a sit-down fall over the Cobbler. More tacks sri II again. Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle surround the Cobbler to bar his possible exit and the entrance is blocked by the huge eunuchs. ZigZag, enraged, gets to his feet. He pulls at the slipper as the Cobbler hangs onto it with both hands. ZigZag: AHA, YOU'VE FINISHED YUMYUM'S SHOE! YOU ARE YOUR OWN UNDOER. ZigZag is pulling the Cobbler toward himself, by the slipper, then pulls out his cigar-like stick. . . ZigZag: YOU IVE SERVED YOUR PURPOSE, NOW YOU'RE THROUGH! On THROUGH sproing! longer stick with a horseshoe-shaped the Cobbler to the wall by the neck. the slipper, which ZigZag also grasps. the stick ejects itself into a end with two talons, and pins The Cobbler is still holding onto ZigZag: I'LL GLADLY TAKE IT TO HER. ZigZag yanks the slipper free. Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle are giggl ing and snortinq sadistically. ZigZag lets go of his prong stick and looks at the slipper. Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle are still cackling and snorting about what will happen next to the Cobbler. ZigZag absently draws back a curtain, which reveals a garden. He glances with interest into it, and smiles devilishly. Then, pushing a button on the handle of his stick, the prongs retract, releasing the Cobbler from his position on the wall, and he presents the shoe back to the Cobbler. ZigZag: ON SECOND THOUGHT, YOU TAKE THE SHOE. I THINK I MIGHT ALLOW A LAST GOODBYE TO HER FROM YOU SHE'S IN THE GARDEN NOW. ZigZag peers into the garden and pretends to see something awful. 28. ZigZag: DEAR ME! I SEE A BEASTLY STRANGER! YOUR PRINCESS SEEMS TO BE IN DANGER! ZigZag winks at Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle as the Cobbler looks, horrorstricken, out into the garden. Most of the tacks drop out of his mouth. Goblet: OH MY! Gopher: OH, DEAR YOU! Slap: ER, YEAH! Tickle: G RAC IOUS! Cut to the Cobbler's point of view. The camera zooms in on a huge, distorted, lime-green beast who has the Princess clasped in an embrace. The Cobbler is totally confused, looks back and forth at ZigZag and his henchmen and at what he sees in the garden. SEQ. 3.4. The Cobbler suddenly jumps over the side of the balcony into the garden. There is a muffled crash of the tools and nails in his pants as he lands. The Beast looks up in alarm. The Cobbler runs straight at the Beast and starts swatting him with the Princess's slipper. The Princess is shrieking, and he then hands the slipper to the Princess, whips out his little hammer and bangs the Beast on his multi-toed feet. The Beast is blubbering and shrieking. Beast: MEEMEE! MEEMEE! HELP! HELP! Princess MeeMee: STOP IT, STOP IT! SOMEBODY. . . OH! STOP IT! OO! OO! OO! The Cobbler drives the Beast across the garden and into the trees, then turns and runs back to the Princess and bows shyly before her. WHAP! She swats him across the face with the slipper and claps her hands and screams. Princess MeeMee: GUARDS! GUARDS! The two guards we saw at the gate arrive instantly and apprehend 29. the Cobbler. Princess MeeMee: TAKE HIM AWAY! AND KILL HIM AT DAWN! Gong sounds and Eunuchs appear. from the pantaloons. The dwarf leaps out Dwarf: TAKE HIM AWAY AND KILL HIM AT DAWN! Four Eunuchs: TAKE HIM AWAY AND KILL HIM AT DAWN! TAKE HIM AWAY AND KILL HIM AT DAWN! Dwarf: (in descant) TAKE HIM AWAY AND KILL HIM AT DAWN! The Cobbler looks desperately at the princess for a sign of compassion; there is none there. He is dragged out of the garden by the two guards. The Eunuchs follow, still chanting. Cut to ZigZag and his minions watching. ZigZag: HEHHAH HEH! MOST AMUSING. HIS CONFUSING PRINCESS MEEMEE WITH HER TWIN! ITIS A GENUINE AMUSION, THE CONFUSION WHICH HE'S IN! HEHHAHHEH! Goblet: HOW DROLL! Gopher: OH, AN AMUSION! Slap: A WHAT? OH, ER, HEH HEH. YEH. WHAT? Tickle: OH. YES, YES, ISNIT IT? AHAHAHA! Cut to the Princess MeeMee. She is in front of a large bush with trembling branches, and the huge eye of the Beast peeking through the branches at the top. Princess MeeMee: THERE, THERE, BUBBA, MY PRINCE. . . HONEY SWEET PET. . . DI D THE TERRIBLE MAN HURTUMS? The eye nods and the grotesque head comes out from the bush a little bit. Princess MeeMee: NEVER MIND, BUBBA LOVE, HEIS GONE NOWHE WILL BE PUNISHED. OH MY LOVE, BUBBUMS HURT? B ea s t : YETH. 30. Princess MeeMee: DID THE AWFUL MAN HURT HIMS LITTLE TOES? B ea s t : YETH (sob sob) HURT HURT ME, MEEMEE! THERE, THERE HONEY LOVE. . . MY PRINCE. . . MY OWN PRINCE BUBBA . . . Princess MeeMee: Beast: MEEMEE, MEEMEE . . . MY PRINCESS During this, the Beast is getting out of the bush in which he is sitting as if it were a large garden seat. As sections of him come out of the bush, the branches sprong back into place. While she is administering to him, and genuinely caring for him, Princess MeeMee takes a small hand-mirror .and looks at herself, adjusting her hair, etc., still cooing to him. He ends up on the grass with her as she mothers him, caressing him, fondling him, kissing his hurt toes. As the love scene intensifies, peacocks walk up and spread their tails like fans, so that we only see the heads of the Beast and the Princess which disappear slowly down behind the fan-like tails. It is early evening. The sky is gold and the garden is in lilac shadows. SEQ. 3.5. Cut to the Thief looking at the peacocks while we still hear muffled gurgles of pleasure. He makes his way along the garden wall until his attention is caught by a gleaming silver ornament on top of a pavilion visible just over the wall. He starts climbing the vines of red roses which cling to the wall. Though he has difficulty getting to the top, once there he is tran sfixed at what he sees on the other side. In the next garden, we see an immaculate white pavilion, in front of which is a low platform on which spreads a large circular white fur rug. On the fur rug, the Princess YumYum is lying, clad in white, on a white bolster, and we can just see her gorgeous figure translucent underneath. Everything is white, like a television soap commercial. The only real colour is a pile of broken bejewelled slippers which the princess has been snapping in two. The jewelled slippers are reflected in the Thief's eyes as he peers over the wall. The princess yawns, and stretches out for a nap. sl ippers have been broken. All the 31. We hear only the sound of the flies as the Thief makes his way down the white rose vines on the inside of the white garden. The Thief is a dung-coloured mass moving against this purity. The vines suddenly give way and he falls to the ground with His head emerges from the ripped vine. A look at the a thud. Princess. She has not stirred. Crawling on his stomach, commando-style, he crosses the courtyard and up some steps to the platform which supports the large white fur rug in which the Princess is ensconced. She doesn't stir, and so the Thief steps onto the rug and ever-sa-carefully tiptoes through it toward the glistening jewelled slippers. He delicately takes an armful of shining slippers and escapes half-way back across the rug, when there is a deep rumble. The ground starts to shake and vibrate below him. The Thief looks in all directions as huge white dogs' heads rise up encircl ing him. We see that the rug is made up of enormous white dogs arranged in a circle, bottom to bottom in the centre, the Thief trapped neatly at the middle, as the camera pulls back. Cut to the next garden with the peacocks. As we hear terrible rending, snarling and ripping noises from the white garden, the peacocks are startled away and we see Princess MeeMee drying Prince Bubba's tears with a small hankie. They look up, startled at the noise next door. Princess MeeMee: MY SISTER AND HER PETS! (MeeMee goes on drying Bubba's THERE, THERE, BUBBA, MY PRINCE. tears) Prince Bubba: THAT MAN DIDN'T THINK I WAS A PRINCE. HE THOUGHT I WAS A . . . A BEAST! Princess MeeMee: OH, WHAT DOES HE KNOW! MeeMee takes out a small hand-mirror and admires herself. She is always doing this. Prince Bubba: BUT LOOK AT ME, MEEMEE! MAYBE I AM A BEAST! MeeMee continues to gaze at her reflection as she reaches up absently and pats Bubba IS cheek. Princess MeeMee: NONSENSE! 32. Princess MeeMee: YOU'RE A HANDSOME PRINCE UNDER AN ENCHANTMENT. . . MeeMee puts the mirror down and smiles sweetly at Prince Bubba. Princess MeeMee: OTHERWISE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING WITH ME? Prince B ubba : ARE YOU SURE? ( dissolve) SEQ. 3.6. Fade in on the bars of the window of a dungeon door. Cobbler is working intently on the pile of jewelled slippers which Princess YumYum broke in two. He has a large ball and chain clamped around his ankle. On the floor is a bowl of water and a lump of bread on a plate. A few mice with beady eyes sit in a semi-circle in front of him. He breaks off little bits of bread and throws them to the The mice. We hear a horse's whinny and a loud clop of hooves close by. The Cobbler looks up to the only window, which is a slit of light with bars, towards the top of his cell. He pulls himself up, dragging the large ball and chain over beneath the window slit, and stands on the ball, holding onto the bars, and pulls himself up to look out. There are two huge horsels hooves right at the window. sky is gold - the grass is bright green. The Cut to outside the window. The Cobbler's eyes look out and the camera pulls back to reveal the elegant polo ponies. SEQ. 3. 7. It is early evening - gold sunlight and lush green grass. The royal polo ponies are going on review before the King's pavilion viewing stand. Beside the King, straddled across another "Throne" sits the pink palanquin. The King, seated beside it, puts his hand in and strokes a purple knee which is just visible amongst the drapery. Between the part in the folds are a pair of tiny white mother-of-pearl 33. opera glasses, held by a couple of purple fingers with pink nail varnish. We hear the familiar husky giggle. The King, of course, is falling asleep, but seems vaguely interested in the horses. Seated at his other side is ZigZag. ZigZag: 0, IMPERIAL MAJESTY! I BEG YOUR INDULGENCE TO LET ME PRESENT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT. . . DIFFERENT! FROM FARTHEST CATHAY, AT MY BIDDING WERE SENT THE BEST POLO PON IES OF THE ORIENT. AS YOUR VIZIER AND SERVANT, OF COURSE I ADORE YOU. IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO MAKE PLEASURE FOR YOU. SO I COUNT NOT THE EFFORT THIS COST, I ASSURE YOU. THOUGH THEIR PURCHASE WAS COSTLY. . . BUT DETAILS WOULD BORE YOU. King: ( bored) YES, YES, ZIGZAG, VERY NICE. . . ZigZag stands in grandiose manner. ZigZag: (In a loud voice, proclaiming to the assembly) TO PLEASE KING NOD BELOVED BY ALL, COMMENCE THE GAME! IN SHORT, PLAY BALL! Trumpets blare, startling the King wide awake, and amid great cheering, whinnying and thundering of hooves, the game begins. SEQ.3.8. Cut to the Thief, his cloak shredded, running around the back of the palace and out onto the bright green of the grass and the golden sunlight. He is exhausted and very much the worse for wear. Suddenly a white, glittering sphere rolls past him and stops a few yards away on the grass. He is hypnotized by this glittering orb (about the size of a grapefruit) and he carefully approaches it. As his head and hand come right up to the ball, we hear the sudden thundering of hooves, and CRACK! the ball and the Thief go flying into the air. The Thief hits the ground as the horses disappear over a hillock and into the distance. He can't work out what has happened, but he starts to go 34. away in the opposite direction from the riders, when the glittering ball quietly rolls up beside him. Still fascinated, he sees it, but reckons it could be the cause of the trouble, and so he starts moving away from it. Still roll ing, the ball follows him. No matter where the Thief steps, the ball keeps following him. We hear thunder of approaching hooves again. The Thief breaks into a run, the ball still at his heels. Up come the horses and CRACK! - the Thief flies into the air and splats on the ground again. The horses race over the hill and into the middle distance where we see the tips of the horses and riders turn and race towards the Thief. By now the Thief has worked out what's happening, and he runs on his hands and knees into a large rabbit hole. Inside the dark of the rabbit hole, we can see only the Thief's white eyes and the screen shakes as the horses thunder past above and the sound fades away. The eyes show great relief. Then the glittering white ball rolls down into the black screen and stops at where the Thief's feet would be. In the dark we still see only the ball and the Thiefls eyes as we hear the approaching pounding of hooves. Too late, the Thief sees the ball in there with him and WHACK! - amid flying sod and earth, he is shot right up into the air where his head is caught in the forked limb of a tree and his body lands on the branch as the horsemen race past below. He heaves a sigh of relief, but then the gleaming white ball drops from some upper foliage onto his head. As fast as he can go he shinnies backwards along the limb to the main trunk and down the tree - only to find the ball rolls out from behind the trunk. He runs down a hill to get away but the ball follows him in hot pursuit. Chasing the ball, of course, come the riders, and in long shot we see the Thief being bashed by the horsemen and mallets, flying up and down, hopelessly entangled in the game. Then he shoots toward us, and away, over a hill, where we hear a splash. The camera cranes with him, and we see him helplessly floating down a fast-moving stream. We follow him as the stream enters an underground passage and, finally, out the other side, where the Thief grabs a rock at the edge of the water, and just manages to get himself out back onto land. He is emptying ball arrives beside him. which of course is very the water out of his only shoe when the polo I n desperation, he leaps into the stream, shallow, and the ball follows him, and CRACK! the game has caught up with him again. 35. SEQ. 3.9. Cut to the King, asleep. . . the game in full swing. seems to have noticed the Thief. Nobody ZigZag: 0, EVER VIG ILANT MAJESTY! King: (suddenly awakened) OH! WHAT IS IT? ZigZag: I TAKE TH IS OPPORTUN ITY TO SPEAK OUT WITH IMPUN ITY NOW THAT WE ARE ALONE. . . Giggle from palanquin. ZigZag: IT'S FOR YOUR KINGDOM'S UNITYTHE GOOD OF THE COMMUN ITYIF I TAKE A CANDID TONE. . . King: YES, YES, WHAT IS IT, ZIGZAG? ZigZag: I SPEAK OF PRINCESS MEEMEE . . . King: MEEMEE? PRINCESS MEEMEE? ZigZag: YES - YES, THE PRINCESS MEEMEE. (clears his throat delicately) AS ANYONE CAN SEE, SHE HAS ACHIEVED A CERTAIN . . . BLOOM. . . King: (somewhat surprised) OH , REALLY? ZigZag: LIKE THE OPENING OF A LOTUS! IT HAS NOT ESCAPED YOUR NOTICE, I PRESUME? King: (suddenly, he is aware that he has been idly fondling the contents of the palanquin - and withdraws his hand from within the pink curtains as if he had just grabbed a red-hot poker.) OH, UH, OF COURSE. . . ZigZag: IN SHORT, SHE'S REACHED MATURITY. SUCH LOVELINESS AND PURITY DEMAND INCREASED SECURITY FROM UNTOWARD. . . ADVANCE. . . 36. King: WHAT! WHO DARES TO MAKE ADVANCE? ZigZag: A CERTAIN. . . BEAST. . . SHE CALLS "THE PRI NCE". King: THE PRINCE! A BEAST? BUT WE HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT BUBBA IS A PRINCE. . . UNDER AN ENCHANTMENT. . . ZigZag: HER LONG INFATUATION FOR THIS ONE OF UNSURE STATION COULD GIVE RISE TO SPECULATION IF IT BLOSSOMED TO ROMANCE. . . King: BUT IS PRINCE BUBBA NOT A PRINCE ??? ZigZag: (humouring him) IF YOU HOLD TO THIS CONVICTION I WILL SPEAK NO CONTRADICTION TO THIS TALE OF HIS AFFLICTION - WHO CAN TELL? IF TH IS THEORY WE WOULD PROVE, AND IT REALLY WOULD BEHOOVE THEREIS BUT ONE WHO CAN REMOVE TH IS EVIL SPELL. . . King: AND WHO rs THAT? ZigZag: IT CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED SOLELY BY A WITCH, BOTH MAD AND HOLY AND AS ANCIENT AS THE MOUNTAIN WHERE SHE DWELLS. King: AND WHERE IS THAT? ZigZag: SHE IS FAR ACROSS THE SANDS WHERE THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN STANDS. WE MUST PUT IT IN HER HANDS TO BREAK ALL SPELLS! King: THEN, TO SETTLE THE ISSUE ONCE AND FOR ALL, THIS MAD AND HOLY OLD WITCH MUST BE SUMMONED! ZigZag: OH, SHE NEVER LEAVES HER EYRIE, FOR SHE'S FAR TOO OLD AND WEARY 37. ZigZag: AND WOULD FIND THE TRIP TOO DREARY NOW TO BEAR. . . BUT, 0 HEAD OF EXCELLENCE, IT WOULD SEEM BUT COMMEN SENSE FOR THE BEAST. . . THAT IS, THE PRINCE TO TRAVEL THERE. . . King: WELL, IF YOU THINK SO, ZIGZAG. I'LL SLEEP ON IT. (He starts to go to sleep.) A t this point there is a burst of action as the polo ponies and riders thunder past and the game continues. One ray of late afternoon sun has lit up the three gold balls on the tallest minaret - visible from the King's pavilion. ZigZag: (rising to his feet) o WISEST OF RULERS! HAPPY ARE THE SUBJECTS WHO LIVE BENEATH YOUR HAND! HAPPY IS THE KINGDOM IN THIS MILK AND HONEYED LAND WE REJOICE AT ALL AROUND US AS THIS BEAUTEOUS EVENING FALLS SAFE BENEATH THE SURE PROTECTION OF THE ANCIENT GOLDEN BALLS. The camera goes up towards the three gold balls gleaming against the peacock blue sky. SEQ. 13.4. Cut to the Thief escaping out of dark shadows, his head poking again into the late sunlight. He looks to the right, spots open doorway and runs inside. an Cut to a long top shot of a checkered floor of an enormous dark hall. The Thief skids to a stop, looks around blinking and begins to sneak forward. Cut to a full-figure shot of the Thief, sneaking along the dark green checkered floor. Suddenly, he stops, in a vibrating 'take'. Cut to a close-up of the Thief's head as his eyes light up with brill iant gleaming emeralds. 38. Cut to a crystal bottle full of luminous emeralds shining in the darkness. The Thief approaches, sneaking up to the emeralds. Transfixed, he puts his fingers all over the glass and examines the bottle and its contents. Then he opens his robe and throws out all his loot. Brass pots, pearls, jugs, vanity cases, and brassware of all descriptions crash noisily to the floor. He has made room... Next, the Thief rolls up his sleeve and reaches his scrawny arm into the bottle and grabs the largest emerald. He tugs at it but it is too big to come out of the neck of the bottle. I n fact, the neck of the bottle is too thin for ~ of the emeralds to pass through it. But the Thief, naturally, keeps turning and prying and pulling as the emeralds gleam in the darkness, lighting his face. He has failed to notice the arrival of the two monolithic palace guards in blue, carrying scimitars, who have glided silently up behind him, summoned by his crashing brassware. yanking still in The Thief eventually looks up at them, then goes back to at the emerald. He picks up the whole bottle with his arm it, and runs a few steps away and continues to tug. The Guards smoothly slide up beside him and the Thief, still holding the Bottle, takes a few more paces away, never interrupting his ineffective tugging at the emerald. The Guards silently pick him up between them and cart him away, bottle, jewels and all the Thief still tugging pathetically. Fade. SEQ. 13.6. Fade in on a top-shot of a palace courtyard. Twilight. Getting darker through scene. We see a platform with stocks, and executioner's wooden basket in front. People are passing by the platform going about their business. There is a wall behind the platform with a double door. doors suddenly bang open, reveal ing the two Guards in blue with scimitars and the Thief (without the jewel bottle) between them. simultaneously shout: The their They Guards: ( proclaiming) THIEF! THIEF! 39. The people look around at them and others gather as the Guards carry the Thief over to the platform. in the as he Cut to a close-up of the Thief's head, seen from the stocks foreground. He draws his head back like a turtle into his coat realizes what is about to happen. Cut to an overhead long-shot of the platform as more people gather round. The Guards march the Thief up on to the platform to the stocks. Cut to a front view of the stocks, the Thief and Guards behind as one Guard lifts the top and the other Guard pushes the Thief forward. The Thief's hands are trembling violently. As they push him, indicating for him to put his hands in the slots, the Thief's trembling hands disappear up into his sleeves. Cut to an extreme close-up of the Thief's head. Slowly his eyes brighten and we see an expression on his face different from any we have seen there before. He is thinking! The Thief looks slyly up at each Guard. Cut to an under-shot of the Thief's body and head. Leaning his head and shoulders forward so that the Guards cannot see under neath, he reaches into his coat and pulls out the two jewelled backscratchers he swiped from the Princesses' bath chamber. Still trembling, he shakes his long sleeves over his real hands and thrusts out the two tiny fork-like backscratcher hands where his hands ought to be, and places them in the stocks, wiggling them for emphasis. The Guard's scimitars rise. A drumroll builds. There is a gasp from the crowd. blades. And WHAP! WHAP! down come the Cut to the Thief's head in close-up as he mouths a silent imitation howl of pain. Cut to the little amputated backscratcher fork hands rattling in the platform basket. The Thief pulls his tiny stump ends back in and tucks them under his arms, turns around, hobbles across the platform on his knees and down the steps into the crowd which makes way for him as he skitters away, gaining speed, getting up off his knees as he runs out a convenient exit from the square. Cut to a back alley, the Thief in the distance comes out of a small archway and races up toward us and ducks into a niche in the wall. He looks back to see that no-one is following him, and drops 40. the backscratcher sticks out of his sleeves. He shudders, then stretches his arms out and, grinning, wiggles his real fingers in triumph. Then he runs down the rest of the alley and disappears up a flight of steps into the shadows. It is getting quite dark now. Dissolve to: SEQ. 4.3. Long shot of the Golden City at dusk surrounded by its glittering river. The even ing I ight dissolves slowly through to the silvery turquoise of the noon of night. Suddenly, an inky black diagonal shadow crosses the rooftops. The camera comes round to see what is the cause of this and we see a tall minaret with a winged vulture-like shape for its crown. The shadow is caused by the moon which is now behind the vulture-shaped turret. As we go closer, towards a gaping mouth with stairs up the inside into what would be the gullet, the eyes of the vulture light up. They are two windows and the light streams out like searchlights into the night as the camera goes closer inside the mouth, up through the gullet, and up a winding staircase as the light gets brighter and we arrive in ZigZag's plotting room. Lit by candles and wall torches, ZigZag's lair is an alchemist's laboratory. The walls are covered with maps, the tables and corners full of alchemical equipment, flasks and beakers, old books, scientific and astrological and occult paraphernalia, astrolabes, astronomy charts. Perched on a stand-up globe is ZigZag's familiar, his pet vulture, Phido. Phido has quick and delinquent gestures and though skinny and haggard he has the swollen stomach of the starving. He does not speak but exhales bursts of air. At present, Phido is asleep on the world globe and ZigZag is agitatedly pacing in his Zig-Zagging walk, up and down the room. Grey-greens, purples and blacks, candle light and shadows flickering. ZigZag: SLEEP. . . SLEEP. . . SLEEP THEY SLEEP. . . THEY SLEEP. . . THEY IRE ALL ASLEEP! BUT I AM QUITE AWAKE! EH, PH I DO? 41. Cut to the Vulture, snoring on the globe, on which is inscribed liThe Known World II. ZigZag: I RISE ABOVE THE HUMAN HEAP. He gestures out the balcony towards the moonlit city below. ZigZag: THE WORLD IS MINE TO TAKE! Leaning over the globe, ZigZag gives it a violent spin and the dozing vulture flies off into the wall, SPLAT! Recovering himself, he flaps dizzily back and lands on an hour-glass. ZigZag: EH, PHIDO? Phido nods in agreement, then sticks out his tongue in a silent hiss when ZigZag has turned his back. ZigZag: MEN ARE FOOLS WHO WALK IN DREAMS Cut to vulture sitting on the hour glass, seemingly passing a thin stream of sand. ZigZag: THEY SLEEP THEIR LIVES AWAY. BUT I, ZIGZAG, WILL REIGN SUPREME! Phido is asleep again. ZigZag: FOR THEY ARE EASY PREY. . . E H, PH I DO ? ZigZag fingers the back of Phido's neck. Phido jumps awake in panic, then realises ZigZag is stroking him, and he IIpurrsll up toward ZigZag. Then when ZigZag turns away, Phido hisses at him. ZigZag flicks out his self-ejecting pointer and uses it as a sceptre. ZigZag: THE KING HIMSELF SLEEPS ALL THE TIME. . . A LOST, UNCONSCIOUS SOUL TOO STUPID TO SUSPECT THAT I'M (points to himself) THE ONE WHO'S IN CONTROL. On IICONTROLII he presses a button on his stick and, Flick! It extends to twice the length. He brandishes it in front of the vulture. Phido, trained to jump on the pointer, sighs, rolls his eyes to heaven and wearily jumps aboard. Then, with the vulture on the end of the stick, ZigZag gestures at the maps and at the silver panorama below his window. 42. ZigZag: CONTROL! CONTROL THE GOLDEN AND ALL ITS GOLDEN WEALTH! I RULE IT WITH AN UNSEEN HAND BY CLEVERNESS AND STEALTH. EH, PH 100 ? LAND! He has absently finished a broad gesture and the half-asleep vulture perched on the stick is poised over a large candle flame. His tailfeathers burst into flames. Phido: SQUA-A-A-A-A-A-A-WK ! Phido leaps into the air, his arse blazing and, flapping his huge wings wildly, runs along a couple of benches over to a large black ink-pot and dips his burning end deep into the ink. Rising steam. Hisssssss. A big sigh of relief from Phido. ZigZag paces across to the suffering bird. ZigZag: BUT THIS IGNOBLE WAY OF LIFE IS JUST A PASSING THING. Pluck! ZigZag pulls a quill feather from Phido's tail, already conveniently dipped in ink. . . and steps forward to the wall. ZigZag: FOR I INTEND TO TAKE AS WIFE Cut to two full-figure paintings, side by side, of Princesses MeeMee and YumYum. ZigZag: BOTH DAUGHTERS OF THE KING! ZigZag scribes a huge "Z" across each Princesses' body. . . scratch, scratch, zzt, scratch, scratch, zzt. Standing back, he continues, still gesturing with the quill. ZigZag: AND WITH THEM AS MY ROYAL I'LL RULE I N PUBLIC SIGHT. WITH BOTH PRINCESSES AT MY TO FEED MY APPETITE! BRIDES SIDE ZigZag throws the quill, like a dart, and it sticks into the wall and quivers between the hips of the two pictures of the Princesses. He bursts into obscene laughter. Phido, still on the ink-pot, registers definite disgust. ZigZag suddenly notices him. 43. ZigZag: POOR PHIDO! HOW COULD I FORGET? I FEAR YOU HAVEN'T EATEN YET. Phido nods and smiles, starts to fawn and drool and purr. ZigZag: FOR YOU, DEAR BIRD, A SPECIAL TREAT: FOR BREAKFAST, YOU'LL HAVE COBBLER MEAT! The bird's eyes light up and he jumps on ZigZag's shoulder, hissing and cackling. ZigZag is also chortling and cackling amusedly as they both leave the tower, twisting and turning, snickering and flapping, down the spiral steps winding below. The camera follows them and we slowly fade to black. SEQ. 5. Fade in on the pre-dawn mountains. The sky is crystal blue; silvery white lace clouds edged with gold hover magically. The rim of the sun appears over the horizon and the first ray of sunlight beams across the valley a golden streak into lilac shadow. The camera follows the ray across the top of the Golden City where it lights only the three golden balls - one two - three. The ray is then beamed down, reflecting off the balls, and we follow it, descending into the City where it bounces off a window, angl ing down, ricocheting off various reflective surfaces. We follow it all the way down to the grassy ground at the edge of the palace wall to where the ray shines directly into the barred slit window of the Cobbler's cell. Dissolve to the interior of the Cobbler's cell. The Cobbler is asleep on the stone floor in the same position as when we first saw him sleeping at the beginning or the film. He is surrounded by shoes of all kinds. The ray of sun terminates on the Princess' white and gold slipper which the Cobbler clutches to his breast. He is still sewing on it in his sleep and has just finished stitching the shoe to his shirt, when the sunlight wakes him up. He sits upright and discovers the Princess' slipper is stitched to his chest. Then he recollects his state of affairs, sighs, and sadly starts to unpick the slipper from his shirt. His eyes look left for an instant and he stiffens in terror. Cut to the door of his cell. There is a small square window hole in the door and a large yellow eyeball with a red iris is staring at 44. him. It blinks sideways, like a camera lens. One by one the tacks drop from the Cobbler's mouth onto the stone floor. Cut to the other side of the door where we see Phido, the vulture, staring into the Cobbler's cell. He has stereo vision, and while one eyeball is looking directly into the cell window, Phido's other eye is looking up at ZigZag who is holding him. ZigZag: THERE'S YOUR BREAKFAST, PHIDO DEAR. IT'S TIME TO TAKE HIM OUT OF HERE AND CHOP HIS HEAD OFF - MAKE HIM DEADLIKE THE LOVELY PRINCESS SAID. Cut to the Cobbler, confused, fingering the Princess' slipper. He glares at the door. Cut back to ZigZag and Phido. In attendance are the two guards dressed in blue with their scimitars The Royal Executioners. Phido opens his beak in anticipation and we see the Cobbler's head through the window, neatly framed by Phido's beak. ZigZag: YOU CAN HAVE THE HEAD TO START, THEN THE NECK, AND THEN THE HEART. SUCH A TASTY LI TTLE MANEH, MY FLYING GARBAGE CAN? ZigZag tickles Phido's starvation-induced belly and Phido's beak snaps shut, blotting out the shot of the Cobbler. The vulture, dribbling slobber, starts flapping his enormous wings and bashing against the door so that we can see that Phido actually does look like a flying garbage can. Cut to the Cobbler as ZigZag laughs. The Cobbler spits a tack at the door. Bang! ZigZag: WATCH HIS TACKS, THEY'RE NOT SO YUMMY. MIGHT UPSET POOR PHIDO'S TUMMY. (tickle tickle, hiss, hiss, flap, flap.) Behind the thin stream of daylight in his cell, the Cobbler crouches in the dark, and the hissing vulture keeps beating his large wings against the door. 45. SEQ. 5. 1 . Cut to various superimpositions of vultures in the canyon where the One-Eyes defeated the Frontier Guard. G riding vultures, and flapping vultures, landing on dead bodies, piles of dead bodies. As the various vultures land and everything is still vague, amorphous and in soft-focus, the image appears of the dying survivor pin-cushioned with arrows, riding, riding. There are several images of him riding - far away, up close, blending one into the other, indicating passage of time. Things are coming in and out of focus, as in a dream. Also, very vague, behind the riding messenger, are the faces of the One-Eye soldiers, and then, large, the image of the Mighty One-Eye but only just perceptible, seen through a haze. As the survivor rides and the images blend, the sound of the hoofbeats grows louder, building into a crescendo of multiple hoofbeats. POP! Cut to the King's head, as he awakens suddenly. bolt upright, shocked awake and staring, frozen in fright. He sits King Nod: ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! GET ME ZIGZAG! ( shouti ng) The King's ancient manservant eunuch bangs his mighty hands together, and it echoes like a thunderclap. King Nod: GET ME ZIGZAG NOW! Cut to Singing Eunuch 1, framed in a doorway, calling out, beginning a "chime" chord. The dwarf runs from eunuch to eunuch via the pantlegs. Dwarf: (bellowing) THE KING WANTS ZIGZAG! Eunuch 1: ZIGZAG! Eunuch 2: (in another doorway) ZIGZAG! Eunuch 3: (in another doorway) ZIGZAG! Eunuch 4: (in another doorway) ZIGZAG! Eunuchs: ( together) THE KING WANTS ZIGZAG! 46. SEQ.5.2. As the four voices reverberate in canon, throughout the palace, the camera shoots down staircases, round corners, through rooms, into passages, and ends up down in the dungeon with ZigZag and Phido. The two executioners have just pulled the Cobbler out of his cell and hold him between them. Phido is flapping frantically, ravenously. ZigZag is cackling. The echoes of the four eunuchs reach them: ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! THE KING WANTS ZIGZAG! All pleasure disappears from ZigZag's face. ZigZag: OH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-PHIDO! AFFFFFFFFFFFFF-FAIRS OF STATE! I FEAR YOUR BREAKFAST WILL HAVE TO WAIT! Cut to Cobbler rei ieved . Cut to bird frustrated. ZigZag: . (to Guards) LOCK HIM UP, PUT HIM AWAY! (to Phido) YOU ILL EAT H 1M LATER ON TODAY! door. The guards push the Cobbler back into the cell and lock the The eunuchs' singing continues: ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! THE KING WANTS ZIGZAG NOW! ZigZag, failing to cover his irritation, shouts: ZigZag: COMING,YOUR MAJESTY! COMING! COMING! Phido, on ZigZag's arm, recoils at the shout. ZigZag 47. impatiently sets the vulture on the edge of a brazier full of glowing coals, and Phido again burns his arse - this time on a branding iron in the brazier. Squaaawk! (more flapping, hissing and hopping). ZigZag: ZIGZAG YOUR GRAND VIZIER IS COMING! (sotto voce) WHO DOES HE THINK I AM? - HIS MOTHER? IF IT ISN'T ONE THING, IT'S ANOTHER! ZigZag stamps away from us, down the corridor. SEQ. 5. 3A. Dissolve to the Thief coming towards us, sneaking through a shadowy alley. We hear the Eunuchs chanting in the distance. He comes out of the shadows into the early morning sunlight. He suddenly freezes, transfixed, staring up into the sky. Cut to the Thief's P.O.V. in the morning sun. the three golden balls, shining Cut to the Thief's head in close-up. As he lifts his head, we see in his eyes, the three gold balls panning through - one - twothree. Cut to mid-shot of the Thief as he works his way backwards, back into the shadows of the alley. Cut to King Nod. Bolt upright, ringing his hands, his face wreathed in anguish. The eunuchs are still calling for ZigZag. SEQ. 5. 3B. Eunuchs and Dwarf: ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! ZIGZAG! THE KING WANTS ZIGZAG NOW! King Nod: o DAY OF DEATH! o DAWN OF DISASTER! o MORN OF CALAMITY! OH! OH! OH! 48. ZigZag: (entering) o GREAT KING NOD HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, YOUR GRAND IS HERE! VIZIER King Nod: DEATH AND DESTRUCTION ZIGZAG! MY KINGDOM WILL COME TO DESTRUCT ION AND DEATH! ZigZag: BE CALM, SERENE HIGHNESS! YOU MUST CATCH YOUR BREATH! WHAT DAWN OF DISASTER? WHY SPEAK YOU OF DEATH? King Nod: liVE HAD A DREAM! A NIGHTMARE! NO! A - A - A VISION! A VISION OF INVASION! ZigZag: NOW, EXCELLENT MAJESTY! RULER SUPREME! I CAN SAFELY ASSURE YOU A DREAM'S JUST A DREAM. . . King Nod: I SAW IT, I TELL YOU! I KNOW ITIS TRUE! AN I NV ADI NG HORDE OF ONE-EYED MEN! AN ENTIRE RACE OF ONE-EYED MEN, AND DEATH ! DEATH EVERYWHERE! ZigZag: CALM DOWN, YOUR HIGHNESS! I NV ADERS? ONE-EYED? BUT THIS IS AGAINST WHAT HAS BEEN PROPHESIED! FOR HAS IT NOT BEEN WRITTEN WE ARE SAFE FROM ANY THREAT AS LONG AS THOSE (gesturing out the THREE GOLDEN BALLS ARE ON THE MINARET? window) 49. SEQ. 5. 3C. From the King's and ZigZag's point of view the camera zooms out the window to the three gold balls, up close. We hear the sound of flies buzzing. Cut to the Thief's head, with its halo of flies. The camera pulls back and we see the Thief is holding a long vaulting pole. He paces backwards. He is in the main palace courtyard and everything is in lilac shadow, except for the gleaming balls atop the minaret. The Thief takes careful aim, and begins his approach, gaining speed as he runs. Faster and faster, he nears the base of the minaret, goes past it and runs straight into a wall, pronging himself right in the stomach with the pole. Silently wheezing and gasping, ne hops around in terrible pain. SEQ. 5.3D. Cut to the faces of the King and ZigZag at either end of the scope screen, both intense and staring. King Nod: BUT, BUT, BUT. . . ZigZag: BUT HAS IT NOT BEEN FORETOLD BY THE SAGES IN DAYS OF OLD THAT AS LONG AS THEY STAY (gesturing out the window) AND AREN'T TAKEN AWAY WE'RE AS SAFE AS OUR BALLS OF GOLD? King Nod: YES, .. ........ .. . .. . BUT. .. .. .. .. .. .. The King's head falls on his chest and he is asleep. SEQ. 5. 3E . Cut to the Thief with his vaulting pole, pacing backwards for his next attempt. We see him in a long shot. The sunlight has begun to move down the minaret, although it is still very early in the morning and the Thief and the courtyard are still in shadow. He takes aim, runs, faster, faster. the pole goes down, the Thief goes up, and vaults gracefully up to the minaret. Two things 50. are wrong. His pole takes him only halfway up, and he hasn It got enough impetus for his feet to quite touch the minaret. His toes, like fingers, grab desperately and futilely and he falls back, out of frame, out of luck. SEQ. 5.3F. Cut to the King, starting awake. or five hysterical paces forward, and yells: He leaps up, takes four King Nod: o TIME OF MISFORTUNE! o DAY OF DISASTER! o EVIL, EVIL HOUR! ZigZag: OUR SAFETY'S ENSURED FOR THE BALLS HAVE ENDURED THROUGH A THOUSAND AND ONE, OR MORE, AGES. THEY'RE QUITE SAFE UP THERE, SO DO NOT DESPAI R, REMEMBER THE WORDS OF THE SAGES! The King, still standing, surrenders: King Nod: YES. . . WELL. . . THEN. . . The King nods off again, standing up. SEQ. 5. 3G. Cut to the Thief. Here he comes again. He takes aim, and runs. He's getting better all the time. Faster, faster. Down goes the pole, up goes the Thief, and. . . SPLAT! He hits the minaret half-way up, and slowly sinks out of sight. SEQ. 5.3H. Cut to the King, snapping awake, still standing. to run forward and yells: He begins King Nod: o ENDLESS, ENDLESS EVILS! o WHAT A HIDEOUS CALAMITY APPROACHES! 51. King Nod: I FEEL IT! I KNOW IT! ZigZag: NO, IT COULD NEVER BE, o INFALLIBLE MAJESTY! WHILE THE BALLS ARE IN PLACE WE CANNOT FALL FROM GRACE. JUST LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW AND SEE! The King, addled, looks out the window, and we move in on the balls. SEQ. 5.31. Cut to the Thief and flies. He is more determined than ever, and has more of a professional stance now, as he launches into this, his fourth attempt. He runs. Faster, faster. The pole goes down. He goes up. And head first, his nose almost touches the wall of the minaret. Of course, he's still only halfway up, but he desperately tries to touch the minaret, balanced rigidly on the upright pole. There is a SPRONG, the pole vibrates like a tuning fork, and he rotates in a spiral down the pole toward the ground. Again. S E Q. 5. 3J . Cut to the King, gazing at the balls in a stupor. out of it and mutters: He snaps King Nod: DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, ZIGZAG! (his voice building up to a bellow) THE PROPHECY SAYS IF THE BALLS ARE EVER TAKEN AWAY THE CITY WILL FALL TO DESTRUCTION AND DEATH! (really screaming) WHAT IF THE BALLS ARE TAKEN AWAY 111111111 . . ..... .. ZigZag: (shouting as loud at first as the Kinghis voice decrescendoing down to a calming reasoning level) 52. ZigZag: A WAY HAS NEVER BEEN FOUND TOT A K E THEM A WAY. . . . . . . WHAT FREAK OF NATURE COULD EVER GET UP TO THE TOP OF THAT MINARET? WHA T FREAK OF NATURE COULD THERE TO STEAL THE BALLS WHILE ALL COULD SEE? THEY'RE UP TOO HIGH, AND IN FULL VIEW AND IN THE PALACE COMPLEX, TOO. SEQ. 5. 3K . On "Freak of Nature" we cut to a medium top shot of the Thief backing up with his pole. He backs out of the picture but the pole doesn't and it keeps on travelling through the frame. We see in longshot that it is of enormous length. Just long enough this time for the Thief to be able to reach the top of the minaret. Slowly, he begins the approach. Very professional now. Faster, faster I faster - down goes the pole, and in semi-slow motion, the Thief takes off in a perfect arc, headed for the top of the minaret. Just below the dome is a small window. He goes straight through the window and out of the other side and the perfect arc continues on down. He falls into a group of buildings, RIP - he goes through a large awning. And then, like a circus trapeze artist, he ricochets off various awnings, past shuttered windows towards the ground. He drops through clotheslines, temporarily augmenting his costume in mid-flight with random articles of clothing, underwear, etc. Finally he reaches a long awning which smooths his fall and glides him safely to the ground, where he skitters dizzily across the courtyard into the shadows. SEQ. 5.3L. Cut to the King and Z ig Zag. The K in9 ZigZag gently leads him back toward his throne. soothingly and patronizingly; is asleep, standing up. He whispers ZigZag: THERE'S A GOOD KING. NO REASON TO FRET. 53. ZigZag: THERE HASN'T BEEN A PROBLEM THAT WE COULDN'T HANDLE YET. ZigZag is gliding the King onto a dais of bolsters. Tucking him in. ZigZag: IT'S NOT TIME TO GET UP TOO EARLY TO RISE TOO EARLY TO OPEN (tip-toeing THE KING'S SLEEPY EYES. away) Cut to the King's eyes popping open. He lets out a mighty scream, and charges head-first off the dais, colliding head-on into ZigZag. They both splatter across the floor. The King jumps up and runs around the room hollering. BLOOD! FIRE! CATASTROPHE! DISASTER! CALAMITY! (as the K in9 shouts all this, he is crashing into ZigZag, who is trying to calm the King down and getting mauled in the process. ) King Nod: GREAT TROUBLE! TERRIBLE TROUBLE! ZigZag: (being battered) SERENE HIGHNESS! CALM THY FEAR! SUCH THINGS COULD NEVER HAPPEN HERE! SUCH THINGS HAVE NEVER HAPPENED! - WELL, THEY HAVEN'T HAPPENED YET! CAN'T YOU SEE? THE GOLDEN BALLS ARE SAFE ATOP THE MINARET!!!! King Nod: (pulling himself together, standing on top of the collapsed ZigZag) I CANNOT BUT THINK YOU ARE WRONG, ZIGZAG. SEQ. 5. 3M. Cut to the Thief's head with his halo of flies. He is really determined now. His robes are pulled up above his pants to allow for unimpeded leg action, and he has developed olympic style. Off he goes, slowly at first, increasing speed. Faster, faster. . . faster. . . down goes the pole, and up he goes in an impossibly graceful arc, making a perfect approach to the tip of the minaret and the balls. 54. Cut to the Three Gold Balls in close-up as the Thief passes over them helplessly, grasping at thin air. He is an inch too high. Cut to a top shot of the Thief as he disappears below us into the buildings. Here he goes again, bouncing off awnings, shooting across balustrades, around corners. He goes through a series of windows, the shutters banging open and shut. Each time he comes out, he is clutching more and more potted plants. Finally he loses the lot, ricochets off another awning, and ends up on the same long awning as previously. Only this time, he's head-first, on his back gliding backwards down to the ground. He shoots off the end, and runs backwards across the courtyard and collapses in the shadows. SEQ. 5.3N. Cut to the King and ZigZag outside the pink palanquin in the King's bedroom. ZigZag has guided him there and he is parting a curtain of the palanquin so the King can see in (but we can't). The King, though still looking worried is becoming distracted by the contents. We hear the husky giggle of the Maiden from Mombassa, and her purple hand reaches out and chucks the King under the chin. As she draws him in from the front and the Kingls legs awkwardly climb aboard, ZigZag, one hand on the King's back, guides him in. The King is a big man and it's all very clumsy. ZigZag: A KING CANNOT BE AT HIS BEST UNLESS HE TAKES A LITTLE REST ENJOYS FOR JUST A LITTLE WH ILE A TOY. . . OR TWO. . . TO MAKE HIM SMILE. ZigZag makes a terrible forced smile as the Maiden from Mombassa giggles throatily from within the palanquin. The King is swallowed into the curtains. ZigZag: (tip-toeing away from the palanquin) ZIGZAG, YOUR VIZIER, UNDERSTANDS JUST LEAVE YOUR WORRIES IN MY HANDS. King Nod: (thrusting his head out between the curtains) I JUST HAVE TH IS FUNNY FEEU NG . . . A pair of purple hands with pink fingernails encircle the King's chest and slowly draw him back into the palanquin. 55. SEQ. 5.30. Close up on the Three Gold Balls and we hear the flies. We pull back to reveal the back of the Thief's head and flies, seemingly on a level with the tip of the balls. The camera does a 180 degree craning turn ending up with a front view of the Thief on a tightrope leading from a window at the top of a blue-green minaret. He is using his vaulting pole as a balance. The wind is blowing and he gingerly steps forward on the wire. Cut to a long shot where we see the tightrope wire stretched between the blue-green minaret and the old Golden Minaret with the balls. We can see clearly now for the first time that there are three guy wires leading from three smaller minarets which support the ancient Golden Minaret (which is always at an angle, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.) The Thief is making his way along on one of the guy-wires. The wind comes in short bursts and the Thief's robe billows out. He is having great trouble balancing. We see his feet, his toes clutching at the wire like fingers. His legs shake and the wire begins to sway from side to side. Desperately, the Thief swings back and forth, balanced precariously on top of the wire. Finally, totally out of control, he drops the balancing pole. He runs along the wire, slips, falls off, catches the wire with one hand and loops himself back aboard. On sheer momentum, he runs the length of the wire to the Golden Minaret, where he slaps his arms around it and hangs on for dear life. The wind whistles around the immobile figure of the Thief. Pan up to the Balls above him. Looking down from the Golden Balls to the Thief, we see his fingers, ineffectively grabbing around the curve of the onion dome. Slipping and sliding, he dares to look down. Cut to a vertigo shot from the Thief's-eye view with the palace grounds, towers and courtyards swimming crazily beneath him. Desperately, he makes his bid to get on top of the onion dome. He works his hands up around the base of the dome, and, defying gravity, slipping and sliding, he kicks his way around the impossible shape. Now embracing the dome, he manages to duck-walk up to the spike which holds the balls. He pulls himself up the balls to a standing position at the top; the balls at his side. He smiles and goes into a photographic pose of triumph. 56. His foot slips and he only just recovers. Back to business, and he works the balls, one by one, with great difficulty, off the spike. He puts the small and middle-sized ones between his knees and crotch, and holds onto the spike with his nose while he works the largest, heaviest one, off. When he gets this last one off, the weight of it almost tips him off the dome. He reorganizes the balls and finally he is able to stand, the small and medium-sized balls under one arm, and the large one under the other, like shopping bags. He stands erect against the spike, master of the situation. Very slowly, he real ises he doesn It know how to get back down. SEQ. 5.3P. Cut to the palanquin. The Maiden's purple hand dangles limply from the bottom of the curtain. The King awkwardly backs out as we hear the Maiden's throaty gurgling from inside. The King is also chuckling. He moves, almost in slow motion, floating slightly. King Nod: HEH-HEH, HE-HA, HO-O ZIGZAG? ARE YOU HERE, ZIGZAG? ZigZag: (popping his head quietly around a doorway) YES, 0 STALLION OF THE GOLDEN LAND? YOUR FAITHFUL ZIGZAG IS AT HAND. The King and ZigZag approach each other. We see their heads at opposite ends of the scope screen. Just above their eye level in the middle of the screen, silhouetted through a small window, we see the Thief with his back toward us, standing frozen at the top of the Golden Minaret. He is too stupid to have yet thought of a move. The rest of the scene is played with this one shot. The Thief doesn't move, but his robe occasionally ripples in the morning breeze. The King and ZigZag never look out the window. King Nod: (shaking his head to clear his thoughts) I'VE BEEN. . . UH . . . THINKING, ZIGZAG. ZigZag: YES? o FONT OF WISDOM? King Nod: PERHAPS WE OUGHT TO HAVE A TWENTY-FOUR HOUR GUARD ROUND THE MINARET? 57. ZigZag: OF COURSE, GREAT KING, WHAT HARM CAN IT DO? PERHAPS IT WILL BRING PEACE OF MI ND TO YOU. (Here we see the Thief through the window awkwardly wiggling his way down to straddle the dome.) King Nod: YES. . . BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. . . Both smile at each other in satisfaction. SEQ. 5. 3Q. Cut to the Thief, his back flattened against the dome, cradling two of the balls under his left arm as ballast, his right hand holding on to the spike. To free his right arm for grabbing, he manages to place the larger, heavy ball between his knees. The large ball is so heavy, he begins to lose his knee~grip on it. Grasping the spike with his right hand, cradling the other two balls with his left, he stretches with the escaping, heavier ball toward the wire. But that ball is too heavy for his knees to grip and it falls. He flails his foot out to direct it and the huge ball rolls onto the wire. Still clutching the other two balls, the Thief executes a spin and slides backwards onto the wire himself, grabbing the larger ball with his feet. He is now lying on the wire, two balls up front on his arms, and the large ball caught in his feet. He works it underneath him and perches on it. But the weight of the other two balls pulls him off the wire sideways. He now hangs upside down with his feet around the ball on the wire. He is covered by his robes from waist to head, weighted by the other two balls. By swinging back and forth upside down, he works up enough momentum to swing back to the top of the wire, where he temporarily balances on the larger ball. He whips it into his robe's inner lining. With some fast contortions, he manages to get all three balls inside his robe lining. They hang, two on one side and one on the other. Now he is pinned to the wire as the weighted robe hangs below like a set of giant gonads. He makes an attempt to stand, but the balls start to swing from side to side with a life of their own. Arcing toward us and away from us with everincreasing velocity, the whole thing goes out of control and we get a travelling top-shot of the City swimming below, the Thief and balls flailing around more and more wildly. 58. The Thief slips off the wire, retrieves himself with a somersault, the balls fly up towards the camera and back down again as the Thief, now hanging by his hands from the wire, jerks his legs in front of him to catch the three balls between his legs. . . the large one first in his feet, the middle-sized one between his knees, and the small one in his crotch. SEQ. 5.3R. Cut to a close-up of the Ball-less spike on the golden dome. The camera zooms back from the Minaret, through the window of the King's chamber. The King smokes a hookah. His head rolls lazily toward the window, eyes fluttering, 51 ipping into sleep. They are shut for an instant, then pop open in a double take. King Nod: ( shrieking) THE BALLS ARE GONE!!!! SEQ. 5.3S. Cut back to the hanging Thief, two of the balls beginning to slip through his legs. Hand-over-hand, he clotheslines himself rapidly along the wire to the blue-green minaret window and swings legs and balls inside the window. CRASH! There is an almighty smashing and ringing as the camera pans down the tower. CRASH! Through a window comes the largest ball. More crashing - and SMASH! - through another window the second ball blasts. Down further and SMASH! little ball comes out through another window. the Pan down to the ground with more banging and the front door flies open as the Thief is shot out, flat onto his face in the courtyard. Cut to a long shot of the courtyard and Palace complex. The three balls are bounding through the air and landing in rhythmic chimes, one after the other. All the awakened and half-dressed people are running into the courtyard: pandemonium. Cut to the Thief coming to, as people rush by in all directions and the balls loudly ring. He exits backward unnoticed. 59. SEQ. 5.4. apart. yard and behind. Cut to the Main Palace Gate as it opens with the teeth pullinq The Survivor rides towards us, past us, and across the courtup the stairs into the King's throneroom, with people rushing Cut to the Cobbler, peering out through his cell, as soldiers' feet thunder past. Cut to the Survivor's horse coming to a stop in the throne-room the Survivor, semi-conscious, in the saddle. Cut to the King, rushing through the curtains into the throneroom, followed by ZigZag. Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle appear at ZigZag's side on camera left. ZigZag: (stage whisper) GET THOSE BALLS! KEEP OUT OF SIGHT! BRING THEM TO ME LATE TONIGHT! Goblet: YES MILORD! Gopher: THY WILL BE DONE! Slap: YES, MASTER! Tickle: RIGHTO, AH HAHAHAHAHA! Exit Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle. . . The standing horse and Survivor vibrate and the horse's eyes go up to heaven and it faints. Its knees buckle under it and it sinks to the ground, eyes blinking. The Survivor's feet now touch the ground and he walks forward, stumbling and gasping, toward the King. It's a fair distance and the King stands frozen at one end. As he staggers the distance, guards and dishevelled courtiers hurry to attendance. In comes Princess YumYum eating a large peach, on one side of a pillar, and through some curtains on the other side of the pillar her sister MeeMee comes with her little hand mirror, Prince Bubba in tow. The Survivor collapses at the feet of the King, gasps incoherently, then with a mighty effort, stands himself up from his knees, vibrating. Survivor: (a last gasping shout) ONE. . . EYE. . . ONEIS . . . COMING! EYE. . . 60. He salutes, vibrates again and expires. SEQ. 5. 3T . King Nod: (shrieking in a crescendo) DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, MY KINGDOM WILL COME TO - DESTRUCTION AND DEATH! ZIGZAG! As the King screams, the camera pulls out above him and above the palace, above the City, above the landscape, to show a God's-eyeview of the Golden Land, with nearby mountains covered in violent approaching storms. Lightning and thunder flash and rumble. SEQ. 6. Fade in on dark, mountainous hills. The sky is black with thunder-clouds. Lightning flashes and thunder rolls,. Up over the sound of the thunder comes the cadence of heavy drums and marching feet. Through a cleft between the hills appear black-armoured soldiers marching in close rank. The camera goes in and we see the One-Eyes advancing like a relentless swarm of giant beetles. A race of one-eyed men, purple faces, red beards, one eye open, one eye shut, forever taking aim. After infantry come huge ramps of Leonardo da Vinci-like war machinery: mammoth cross-bows the size of houses, colossal catapults, massive gear-wheels, hoists, levers, pulleys, complex parts of some enormous machine of death. Everything is on a nightmare scale: elephants, horses, camels, oxen carry more materiel and everything advances in efficient and relentless order. Disciplined and unstoppable, they march in cadence and the earth shakes. Medieval organs and enormous drums create a fearsome drone. We move past banners and regalia, mammoth black-draped wagons with huge wooden wheels carrying generals and other officers. Whips snap and crack as oxen pull these enormous wagons. Finally, comes the Mighty One-Eye, seated higher than the rest on a human throne of interlocking, scantily-clad women. As he lurches along, the Mighty One-Eye gnaws at an enormous leg of roast fowl and bellows: 61. Mighty One-Eye: I SHALL GNAW THE GOLDEN CITY TO THE BONE AND I SHALL SPIT IT OUT! side. He spits out a great lump of meat and tosses the bone over the Then he takes a large goblet of wine and as he drinks, it spills over his face. Mighty One-Eye: (continuing) MY FACE SHALL BE BLOODY WITH THE BLOOD OF MY VICTIMS! He slings the rest of the goblet of wine over his human throne bringing shrieks and bawdy giggles from the women. The Mighty One-Eye tosses the goblet over the side, and roaring with laughter, slaps boisterously at buttocks and breasts squishing up and down. Thunder and lightning flash and boom in chorus to his laughter. Dissolve to: SEQ. 7.0. The Cobbler looking out of in spurred riding boots run past. we pull back and see the Thief in a pressed against a wall. his cell window as the feet of soldiers Flies buzz, the Cobbler sniffs and corner beside the Cobblerls window, We follow the soldiers as they rush into the main courtyard, which is already filled with assembled soldiers on horseback, foot-soldiers and Generals, etc., the Golden City army arrayed in white apparel with gold trim. Their emblem is a golden sun on their breastplates. Banners are flying. Armour, swords and spears gleam in the late afternoon sunshine. The Palace population - attendants, stableboys, cooks, servants, etc., - look on from the archways. There is a at the empty spire backed by ZigZag, muttering and buzzing of distress as they look up of the tallest minaret. A hush falls as the King, appears on the balcony. King Nod: MY LOYAL GENERALS! MY BRAVE SOLDIERS! THE THREE GOLDEN BALLS HAVE GONE! The army buzzes in response. King Nod: OUR CITY FACES INVASION! More crowd reaction. King Nod: THE MIGHTY ONE-EYE IS COMING! At this, very great crowd reaction. 62. King Nod: WE MUST DEFEND THE CITY! Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle are tip-toeing through the edge of the ranks of soldiers. It is obvious from their hunched positions that they have the golden balls concealed beneath their robes. Tickle is hugging Slap's arse; Slap is carrying the big ball behind his back and Tickle is trying to cover it up. Goblet and Gopher lead, carrying the other two balls, followed in line by Slap and Tickle. They are trying to appear nonchalant as they make their way staggering under the weight. King Nod: (continuing) BE OF GOOD FAITH! ACCORDING TO THE ANCIENT PROPHECY THE CITY MAY YET BE SAVED! TAKE UP YOUR POSITIONS WITH MY BLESSING! He succumbs to a coughing fit. The Crowd cheers: (Long Shot) Crowd: LONG LIVE KING NOD! LONG LIVE THE GOLDEN CITY! The drums begin to beat and the Army begins to parade away. As the Army is dispersing, we see Princess YumYum at one window and Princess MeeMee and Prince Bubba at another window. The camera pans down to a small door. sneaking inside. Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle are SEQ. 7. 1. Cut to the inside of the little door through which Goblet, Tickle, Slap and Gopher (in that order) have just entered. The four are in the dark, sneaking down stone stairs in an underground passageway. Slap, Tickle and Gopher each carry a ball. Goblet carries none, but bosses the others: Goblet: QUIET! QUIET! Gopher: SH! Slap: SSSH! Tickle: HAHAHAHA! Goblet: (to Gopher) CLOSE THE DOOR, YOU IDIOT! 63. Gopher: DON'T BE SO BOSSY! He slams the door, which bumps Slap as it passes him. Slap: OOOH! OH! He throws his ball in the air and stumbles down the stairs, bumping into Tickle. Tickle: (stumbling downstairs) OOH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gopher: (catching Slap's ball) AARGH! Goblet: QUIET! Tickle, still stumbling downstairs, throws his ball in the air. It flies toward Gopher, who already has two. Tickle: AH HAHAHAHA OOH OH! Gopher: (seeing Tickle's ball approach) OOH OOH OOH AH AH . . . Slap: Goblet: (still stumbling) OH OOH OH OH! QUIET! Tickle: (to Gopher) ME! (to Gopher) ME! (to Gopher) ME! Slap: Tickle: Gopher: (throwing both balls at once to Tickle) AARGH HA! Tickle: HELP! He catches the first ball and throws it to Slap, as Gopher catches the third ball. Goblet: QUIET! Gopher: AARGH! Slap: (catching ball) OaF! Tickle: (catching the second ball from Gopher) OOH. HAHAHAHAHAHA. AAAH! Tripping, he throws this ball, too, to Slap, who reacts by throwing the one has has to Gopher, who throws his to Tickle. Slap: OH. WHOOPS. OH! 64. Gopher: AGH! Tickle: ER. HELP! Falling again, he th rows the ball back to Gopher, who throws his to Slap, who throws his to Tickle. Gopher: Slap: AAGH! OH. OOP! Goblet: QUIET! Tickle: AH. HAHAHA. HA! Fumbling, Tickle drops the ball, which hits the step with a dull ring: DONGGGGG! To stop it ringing, Gopher throws his ball to Slap, who throws his ball to Tickle, then Gopher whips his robe around the ball to smother the noise. Goblet: SILENCE! Gopher: AAGH! ! Slap: AAH. HA-HA-HA. OH. OOH! Tickle: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Gopher: (to Tickle) SSH! CLUMSY FOOL! Slap: OOH! HOHOHO! OH! Tickle: AH HAHAHAHAHAHA! Goblet: SILENCE! All four freeze, covering the balls with their robes. The camera goes quickly down the passageway to the King's Executioners outside the Cobbler's cell. Phido, the vulture, is pacing up and down in front of the door and the Cobbler is looking out. Phido's head and the Guard's heads jerk toward where the sound of the dropping ball came from. Back to Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle, who wave at the Guards. Tripping on each others' robes and nearly dropping the balls, they make their way further down the stairs to another corridor, hissing catty whispers at each other. Goblet: (to Tickle) IF YOU HAD A BRAIN YOU'D BE DANGEROUS! Tickle: I DO AN D I AM! HAHAHA! 65. Slap: Gopher: OH, CLEVER! IDIOT WITHOUT A HEAD! Tickle: TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE! HA HA HA! Slap: CLEVER. HUH-UH. VERY CLEVER! Goblet: MINDLESS FOOLS! Gopher: Slap: (to Goblet) YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BALLS! VERY TRUE! Tickle: AHAHAHA! Gopher: (to Goblet) WHY DON'T YOU HELP? Goblet: BECAUSE I'M IN CHARGE! Gopher: OH, PARDON ME! Tickle: OH, DEAR. OH. AHAHAHA! Slap: HAR. HAR! Goblet: (through his teeth) LET ALL MOUTHS CLOSE! - SEQ. 7.2. Cut to the King's Chambers. ZigZag pulls the drapes shut behind him as he enters, following the King. As the drapes close, the sound of the drums and the marching army is subdued. ZigZag: 0, COMMANDER OF THE FAITHFUL! 0, CHIEF OF THE WORLD! King Nod: WELL, ZIGZAG? ZigZag: WELL! . . . I HAVE NEVER HEARD SUCH ELOQUENCE AND SUCH A GREAT OVATION! YOUR ARMY IS AFIRE WITH YOUR WORDS OF INSPIRATION! King Nod: BUT THAT ARMY HAS NEVER YET FOUGHT A BATTLE! THEY'VE NEVER HAD TO, ZIGZAG! THE THREE GOLDEN BALLS HAVE ALWAYS PROTECTED OUR CITY! 66. ZigZag: HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, YOUR GRAND VIZIER IS HERE! . . . King Nod: YOU'RE HERE, ZIGZAG! BUT WHERE ARE THE BALLS ?!? King Nod looks up to see ZigZag flourishing his hand to make three conjurer's balls appear. ZigZag: MAGICKED AWAY, MY LORD. . . ZigZag shakes his head and the three balls disappear. Nod sinks to a bolster and drops his head in his hands. King King Nod: MAGICKED AWAY! OH, NO . . . ZigZag continues his very expert conjuring demonstration. As he speaks, he disappears the balls from his right hand and they reappear in his left. Then he swishes out his telescopic stick and balances the three balls on the end. ZigZag: OH, YOU MUSTN'T LOOK SO TRAG IC AS IF NOTHING COULD BE DONE! I AM NOT UNSCHOOLED IN MAGIC AND THE DAY MAY YET BE WON. . . King Nod: YOU MEAN. . . YOU COULD USE. . . MAGIC? . . . ZigZag disappears the stick and the balls in a green puff of smoke which he has made by a rather obvious movement of pulling dust from inside his robe. ZigZag: I'LL RETIRE TO MY TOWER TO SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE. . . ZigZag exits backwards into the curtains. SEQ. 7.3. Cut to the Dungeon corridor. The two Palace Executioners flank the Cobbler's cell door. Phido is still pacing back and forth. He stops, looks down at his stomach, and we hear it gurgle and rumble. 67. He sighs, glances toward the Cobbler's cell door, and goes back to pacing. We hear the boom of a big door slamming and the sound of running feet. Princess YumYum runs daintily down the passage towards us, everything a-jiggle. She is beautifully built. She looks angry as she runs and the audience can't tell if it's YumYum or MeeMee, until we see she has only one white slipper on; the other foot is bare. The vulture backs away, hissing as she comes up to the door. The Cobbler is at the window of his cell, looking out, but he draws back as she approaches. YumYum: (to the Cobbler) DON'T BE AFRAID, MY BRAVE COBBLER! I PROMISE I WILL GET YOU OUT OF HERE! The vulture takes a little hop toward YumYum and hisses. glances around in annoyance. She Princess YumYum: (to Phido) GET AWAY, BIRD OF EVIL! Phido takes a step backwards and hisses again, sticking out his tongue. Princess YumYum: GET THEE GONE, WRETCHED VULTURE! She kicks his sore end with the point of her hisses and flaps at her, but when YumYum turns and runs away down the corridor. She calls after him: slipper. Phido runs at him, he Princess YumYum: GET BACK TO YOUR MASTER'S TOWER! Phido slows his run and takes a few more steps and stops, sulking at her. Princess YumYum stamps her foot. He turns and walks away, looking like a miniature version of ZigZag. YumYum returns to the cell door window and smiles. The Cobbler's tacks move hesitantly upwards in response, making a smile. They gaze at each other. Hold. SEQ. 7.4. Cut to ZigZag's Vulture Tower, silhouetted against the turquoise sky of early evening. The vulture is flapping up toward it. As he approaches, the lights in the tower windows go on like two eyes. Phido 68. circles nearer and flies into an eye of the vulture tower. Cut to the inside of ZigZag's Tower window. Phido zooms in and makes a long running landing, flapping his broad wings backwards to brake himself. He comes to a stop at the feet of ZigZag, who is receiving the three golden balls from Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle. The three balls are on a red carpet in front of him. Phido crashes into ZigZag who shoots out his telescopic stick with fly-swatter on the end, and swats Phido on his sore bum. Keeping going, Phido hisses in pain, then takes up his position on the world globe. ZigZag: GENTLEMEN! GENTLEMEN! WHAT A DELIGHT! YOU BRING ME IMMEASUREABLE PLEASURE TONIGHT! NO DOUBT YOU WERE CAREFUL AND KEPT OUT OF SIGHT. . . WE'LL LET THIS BE OUR LITTLE SECRET. . . ALL RIGHT? As he says this last line, telescopic stick and it flicks into a each chin menacingly. ZigZag has pressed a button on his long stilletto, which he holds under Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle respond with four desperate, toothsome grins. Phido snickers with pleasure, then his stomach rumbles. ZigZag produces a pearl necklace and snaps off four gold pearls, handing one to each of them. ZigZag: AND NOW A REWARD FOR EACH AND FOR ALL. Goblet: OH, COME NOW. . . Gopher: OOH! Slap: OH, MASTER! Tickle: OH. OH. AHAHAHA! ZigZag: A MAGICAL TALISMAN, MIGHTY, THOUGH SMALL. . . Goblet: DO! Gopher: AH! Slap: OH! ZigZag: THEY'LL BRING YOU GOOD LUCK. . . (hands pearl to Goblet) OH, YOU'RE TOO KIND. Goblet: ZigZag: . . . AND BAD LUCK FORESTALL. . . 69. (ZigZag hands pearl to Gopher) Gopher: ZigZag: OH, THANK YOU SIRE! . . . AND EACH ONE IS ROUND. . . (hands pearl to Slap) Slap: HEHEH. ROUND. YES. HEHEH. IT'S ROUND. YES! .ZigZag: . . . LI KE A REAL GOLDEN BALL. (hands pearl to Tickle) Tickle: GOLDEN. OH. AH. (gasps) Gopher: HEH. HEH. YES, ER, SO IT IS! Slap: ROUND, YEAH, HEHEH. ROUND! Goblet: BALLS! Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle giggle and congratulate each other, kissing the hem of ZigZag's robe. Gopher: OH, THANK YOU, SIRE! ZigZag: OH, PLEASE. THANK YOU, MASTER! Slap: ZigZag: OH, REALLY. Tickle: OH THANK YOU! HAHAHA! HAHAHA! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! ZigZag: OH, NO. OH, DON'T. Goblet: YOUR GENEROSITY, MY LORD, IS SECOND ONLY TO YOUR INTELLECT. ZigZag: OH, THANK YOU. ( chuckle) Cut to Phido, whose stomach is rumbling. His beak waters as he looks at Gopher. He fl ies over and bites Gopher's hand. Gopher screams: Gopher: YEOW! MY FINGER! MY FINGER! HE BIT A PIECE OUT OF MY FINGER! Slap: HAR HAR. LOOK AT THAT THEN. HAR HAR! Tickle: AHAHAHAHA! Phido swallows the piece. Gob let: THERE, THERE! 70. ZigZag slashes at the vulture with his fly-swatter. guiltily flaps back to the globe and sulks. Phido Gopher: OH. OH. YOU BITCH! ZigZag: (kindly) POOR PHIDO! WHAT A SHAME! WE'VE FORGOTTEN HIS DINNER HE HASN'T BEEN FED! THAT MAN WHA T'S-HIS-NAME? WELL, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT AFTER ONE LITTLE THINGNOW THAT I HAVE THE BALLS, I WILL GO SEE THE KING! Fade. SEQ. 7.5. Evening. Fade in to four Eagle statues on a pedestal. I n the middle is the Thief's head he is trying to look like an eagle. The flies buzz in the halo above his head. Then the head shoots down behind the pedestal and the Thief sneaks along the wall, behind a guard, and he looks into the Throne Room, as we hear: Princess YumYum: FATHER. . . FATHER! FATHER, SOMEONE HAS IMPRISONED MY COBBLER, AN D I NEED (waving a small bare foot under his nose) HIM! (Up to IMPRISONED, we still see the Thief, at MY COBBLER we cut to the Throne Room and see Princess YumYum waving her bare foot.) King Nod: YES, YES, MY DEAR. . . ANYTHING YOU DESIRE, MY LITTLE. . . OH, ER UH . . . Princess YumYum: YUMYUM, FATHER. . . YUMYUM. MAY I HAVE THE COBBLER BACK NOW? King Nod: YES, UH . . . ER . . . (raising his voice) COURIERS! HAVE THE COBBLER RELEASED IMMEDIATELY! 71. Princess YumYum: (kissing King Nod on the forehead) THANK YOU, FATHER! YumYum flounces out, following the Four Eunuchs who march in step. SEQ. 7.6. A green puff of smoke bursts through the curtains, and when the air clears, ZigZag is standing there, posed like a stage magician. ZigZag: IT IS I! ZIGZAG! YOUR CHIEF OF STAFF! TO REMIND YOU OF THE SECOND HALF OF THE PROPHECY OF THE GOLDEN BALLS. . . ZigZag pulls a scroll out of his sleeve and unrolls it. ZigZag: THE CITY CAN BE SAVED BEFORE IT FALLS BY THE SIMPLEST SOUL WITH THE SIMPLEST OF TH INGS . . . Close-up of the scroll and ZigZag's bejewelled finger pointing out the appropriate words: "The City might be saved By The Simplest Soul With the smallest and simplest of things. II ZigZag: CAST OFF YOUR FEARS, a BRAVEST OF KINGS! (letting the scroll snap shut and tossing it away) King Nod: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ZIGZAG? ZigZag: THE WORDS OF THE ANCIENTS ARE THERE IN THE SCROLL, BUT WHO (YOU MAY ASK) IS THE SIMPLEST SOUL? King Nod goes to the window I and looks down into the city below. King Nod; WHO? ZigZag: I ! 72. King Nod: (wheeling round) YOU?! ? ZigZag: WHO ELSE'S EXISTENCE IS SIMPLER THAN MINE? PURE SERVICE WITHOUT ANY SELFISH DESIGN? King Nod: WELL. . . ER . . . ZigZag: THA TIS RIGHT, MAJESTY, HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, YOUR GRAND VIZIER IS HERE! King Nod: BUT HOW CAN YOU SAVE THE CITY, ZIGZAG? - ZigZag: OBSERVE! (He goes into a dramatic pose) IPSO FACTO! (green puff of smoke emerges from mid-air) ALAKAZAM! COG ITa ERGO SUM! (electricity sparkles in the cloud) ABRACADABRA! ERGO SHAZAM! (the cloud is getting LET THUNDER AND LIGHTN ING GO BOOM! bigger) The cloud of smoke is now three times the size of ZigZag. Ominous thunder bursts and lightning lights up the room, flashing from the centre of the cloud. Cut to the King, looking on, amazed. Everything darkens into mysterious colours. The cloud parts into the shape of a ring. The centre is a deep velvet blue. A silver dove flies around the inner edge, a kind of mystic fire following it. Dove and fire disappear and a sun materializes in the centre of the ring. It enlarges and is brilliant and golden. Reflected in the golden sun, ZigZag bows to the King. ZigZag: FOR YOUR WEALTH OF INFORMATION IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW. . . Cut to the King, agog. Cut back to ZigZag. ZigZag: THE FIRST RULE OF CONJURATION: 73. ZigZag: AS ABOVE (he gestures at the sun) THEN SO BELOW! ZigZag's arms drop. From below the golden "sun" orb appear a middle-sized ball and a smaller ball, both gold. The balls begin to rotate clockwise around the "sun" and stop when they are lined up like the three golden balls. Then a transparent onion dome fades in beneath the three balls. ZigZag bows to the King, presenting him his illusion of the Three Golden Balls. Cut to the King, greatly impressed. While the cloud circle remains, the onion dome and three golden balls fade slowly away. ZigZag: AS YOU SEE, I CAN RESTORE YOU THE GOLD BALLS, THOUGH THEY BE LOST. BUT TO CONJURE THEM BEFORE YOU COULD BE AT MY GREAT COST. . . FOR WHOEVER PLAYS WITH MAG IC HASTENS H IS APPROACH TO DEATH. THE RESULTS COULD BE MOST TRAGIC I COULD BREATHE MY FINAL BREATH! ZigZag sucks in his jowls, causing his face to look withered and old, and he goes into an ancient posture, all the while gasping and wheezing with great difficulty. Cut to the King, obviously being taken in. Cut back to ZigZag, recovering. ZigZag: YES! I'VE KNOWN IT SINCE I STARTED I MUST RISK TH IS AWFUL PRICE. MAGIC'S NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED, AND YOU, TOO, MUST SACRIFICE! Cut to the King: King Nod: ANYTHING, ZIGZAG! JUST DO IT! Cut to ZigZag, very grave and dignified. ZigZag: AS MY PERIL WILl.- BE DIRE YOU MUST GRANT MY HEART'S DESIRE. . . Cut to the King. 74. King Nod: WHICH IS? Cut to ZigZag as he begins to conjure again. A circular rainbow forms and in the centre a beautiful red rose materializes as he speaks: ZigZag: MY DESIRE IS SIMPLE AS A ROSE IS. . . BUT IN THIS CASE, IT'S TWO ROSES! From behind the first rose, a second rose appears, joined on the same stem. ZigZag reaches into the vision and plucks the twin roses right out from the magical display, waves his hands and the clouds disappear, and presents the roses to the King. ZigZag: . . . TWIN ROSES! King Nod, looking at them quizzically. King Nod: TWIN ROSES. . . ? ZigZag: (almost whispering) TWIN PRINCESSES! The King, who has been staring at the roses, jerks his head up in disbelief. There is a strained silence which ZigZag attempts to fill with philosophy. ZigZag: FA TE SO SELDOM EVER BLESSES ANY MAN WITH TWO PRI NCESSES . . . (smiles encouragingly) King Nod, reddening as he realizes what ZigZag is asking, shakes with rage. King Nod: YOU WANT MY DAUGHTERS? Close up on ZigZag, nodding as if to congratulate the King for his great power of comprehension and gazing with delight at the roses, frozen in the King's outstretched fist. Cut to a close-up of the bright red King, trembling violently, about to explode. Medium shot of the King and ZigZag as the King rises to his full height. King Nod: (shouting) NEVER! ZigZag: (in a small voice) NEVER? King Nod: NEVER! . . . EVER! ZigZag: 75. (beginning to back away) OH, WELL. . . I JUST THOUGHT I'D ASK. . . Close-up of the King, furious, still shouting. King Nod: GET OUT! OUT! The King's Ancient Manservant steps forward menacingly. - ZigZag exits obsequiously through the curtaining. Cut to the other side of the curtains as ZigZag, in a fit of controlled fury, stamps away from the Throne Room curtaining toward us and away down a circular staircase, muttering through his teeth: ZigZag: Fade. SEQ. 7.7. YOU DON'T NEED ME! I DON'T NEED YOU! WE'LL SEE WHO ENDS UP GRIEVING JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT THE ONE-EYES DO . . . I'M TAKING MY BALLS AND LEAVING! palm. to see Fade in on the Thief's head, coming up from behind a potted We can hear the King speaking in the distance. The Thief looks that the coast is clear, then sneaks along a corridor toward the sound of voices. Princess YumYum: (v .0.) King Nod: (v.o.) Princess YumYum: (v.o.) Princess MeeMee: (v.o. ) King Nod: (v.o.) Princess YumYum: (v.o.) Princess MeeMee: (v.o.) King Nod: (v.o.) FATHER FATHER, WAKEN! WE'RE HERE, FATHER! ER. . .UM. . .AH? IT'S YUMYUM, FATHER! AND MEEMEE, FATHER! ER. . .AH. . .OH. . .UM. . . FATHER - YOU CALLED US HERE TO TELL US SOMETHING. . . YOU SAI D IT WAS IMPORTANT. . . (waking) YES, YES, . . . OH! ER YES! A MATTER OF LIFE. IMPORTANT. . . VERY IMPORTANT YES!. . . VERY IMPORTANT. . . . . LIFE AND DEATH. . . YES, YES. . . (clears throat). Cut to the King. Princess YumYum, Princess MeeMee and Prince 76. Bubba are standing before him with the four Eunuchs lined up behind him. The Ancient Manservant, always in attendance, stands behind the King. King Nod: MY DAUGHTERS. . . OUR CITY IS IN GRAVE DANGER. . . His eyes glaze over. There is a long pause. Then his head jerks up. King Nod: THE THREE GOLDEN BALLS HAVE BEEN MAGICKED AWAY. . . AND WE FACE DESTRUCTION. . . AND DEATH. . . This time, the King really falls asleep and his daughters move closer to him. MeeMee kneels at his side. YumYum, on his other side, puts an arm around his shoulders. King Nod wakes up. King Nod: WE HAVE ONE CHANCE. . . I AM TOLD THERE IS A MAD AND HOLY OLD WITCH WHO DWELLS AT THE TOP OF THE DESERT MOUNTAIN. . . The King's voice continues over as we cut to the Thief, edging his way, back flat against the wall. He turns a corner and, back still against the wall, edges away from camera and closer to the curtaining of the Throne Room. King Nod: (v.o.) YOU MUST GO TO THE DESERT MOUNTAIN AND SEEK OUT THIS WITCH PERHAPS SHE CAN TELL US HOW THE CITY CAN BE SAVED. Princess MeeMee: CAN SHE LIFT EVIL CURSES? King Nod: I CERTAINLY HOPE SO. . . (drifting into slumber) PERHAPS SHE WILL CHANGE BUBBA BACK Princess MeeMee: INTO THE HANDSOME PRINCE I KNOW HE MUST BE! Prince Bubba: SHE WILL? SHE WILL? Pause no-one answers. Prince Bubba: (continuing) SAY SHE WILL! -- Princess MeeMee: YES, SHE WI LL, SHE WI LL! 77. King Nod: (snapping awake) AH . . . AH . . . ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Princess YumYum: OH FATHER. . . SHOULD WE LEAVE YOU IN THIS TIME OF TROUBLE? Cut to two pillars, as the King's voice is heard over. Thief shoots from behind one to behind the other. The King Nod: (voice over) THERE IS NO BETTER WAY YOU CAN SERVE ME, MY DAUGHTERS. HAD I A SON, I WOULD SEND HIM ON TH IS PERILOUS JOURNEY. Cut to YumYum. Princess YumYum: 11M NOT AFRAID! Princess MeeMee: NOR I! Prince Bubba: I AM . . . Princess YumYum: HOW WILL WE KNOW THIS PLACE? King Nod: AT THE FOOT OF THE DESERT MOUNTAIN. . . Cut to the Thief. We hear the King, voice over, as we see the Thief's head peering around a curtain, flies bu